tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62452995803308338382024-03-05T04:58:44.895-08:00Filia CaniculaeHelenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03566497671890574029noreply@blogger.comBlogger39125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245299580330833838.post-11245892323078057812012-08-15T15:58:00.002-07:002012-08-26T21:45:45.735-07:00Mark My Sword: Chapter 8Ezra woke up with a headache. She blinked, her vision slowly focusing on the…ceiling? Yes. It was a plain, wooden ceiling, mercifully devoid of any glowy blue monsters. She sank back against the soft pillows, wanting nothing more than to lay back and sleep off the rest of her headache. <br />
<br />
Naturally, it was at this very moment that the door burst open and a large dragon leapt up, landing with crushing weight on her chest.<br />
<br />
"Urgh! Brusss…" <br />
<br />
Muffin eyed her, giving her a worried lick that went mostly up her nose. <br />
<br />
"I- arch! Cory! Get your damned lizard off of me!"<br />
<br />
At the sound of her insult, the dragon gave a relieved chirrup. She wasn't fooled, of course; he pretended to mean well, but he was really just afraid of losing his favorite target. <br />
<br />
"C'mere, Muffin," Cory cooed gently. The dragon hopped off the bed. The air came back to Ezra's lungs in a rush. <br />
<br />
Katryn came to the side of the bed, face drawn. "Hey, Ez, are you doing okay?"<br />
<br />
"I'm doing just fine. Get me a tavern wench and a bottle of wine and I'll be even better. Where's blondie?"<br />
<br />
"Right here," the elf said, moving to stand beside Katryn. "Your condition is more or less stable. A little bit of rest and you should be perfectly fine."<br />
<br />
"More or less stable? That's reassuring."<br />
<br />
"You are fine, knife-girl," Lorien said irritably. He'd clearly used up quite a bit of healing magic. Magic drain made him grouchy.<br />
<br />
"Knife-girl? Really, blondie? That's the best you could do?"<br />
<br />
"I… Well… Let me think a minute!"<br />
<br />
Ezra turned to Katryn. "While he's thinking, would you mind telling me something?"<br />
<br />
"What?"<br />
<br />
"Where am I and how did I get here?"<br />
<br />
***<br />
<br />
The city of Greenwood was surprisingly populous, given its small size. It was, of course, still tiny compared to the cities of the Empire where Ezra had grown up, but for a Damsel District city it was pretty impressive. <br />
<br />
Lorien was babbling on about trade routes and cabbage farming, but Ezra's attention was already going in two directions. <br />
<br />
First, there were the people, for a given definition of the term. She saw human farmers and adventurers, dwarvish miners, the occasional troll, and a few stranger things as well. One adventuring party sported a creature who appeared to be part bird and part tree. <br />
<br />
The city was teeming with incredibly diverse life, and Ezra was determined to keep her eye on every bit of it. After all, any one of them could have some connection to Darghzin, or the creature, or just generally someone who wanted her dead.<br />
<br />
Second, there was Katryn. She tried to pretend that nothing was wrong, but she was a terrible actor. Ever since they'd left the inn, she'd seemed oddly furtive. Ezra couldn't say she blamed her. After all, this was the city that had once belonged to the evil king who'd had Katryn's village sacked. Still, it didn't hurt to watch out for her leader. Well, not unless it meant that she missed something suspicious happening somewhere else. It was times like these when Ezra wished that she had more than two eyes.<br />
<br />
At the sight of an eight-eyed spider creature walking down the street, she quickly withdrew her wish.<br />
<br />
The team finally reached the address given to them by the innkeeper, standing in a huddle on the elegant stone steps of the Greenwood Office of Heroics.<br />
<br />
"Okay," said Katryn. "This time, I do the talking." She glanced pointedly at Ezra.<br />
<br />
"Fine, but in my defense, that clerk was just asking for trouble."<br />
<br />
They entered the reception hall. The waiting area was already filled with bored-looking adventurers. Katryn went up to the reception desk to sign them in. <br />
<br />
The receptionist looked at Muffin, and then pointed to a brass plaque reading, 'Animal Companions Should Be Leashed At All Times'. Muffin growled in response.<br />
<br />
Ezra was already bracing herself for a firefight when a man walked out of one of the consulting rooms and up to the receptionist's desk. He stopped when he saw Katryn.<br />
<br />
"Y-your highness?"<br />
<br />
Katryn sighed. "Please, Percy, It's not 'your highness' anymore. I abdicated."<br />
<br />
"O-of course, y- Lady Katryn."<br />
<br />
"Oh, for the love of Pratchett."<br />
<br />
The team looked at their leader in stunned silence. Finally, Ezra said, "You know, Katryn, I think you've reached your quota for dramatic reveals."<br />
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<a href="http://filiacaniculae.blogspot.com/2012/08/mark-my-sword-chapter-7.html"><<Previous</a><br />
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(Story on hiatus until further notice.)</div>
Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03566497671890574029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245299580330833838.post-52781890932952341052012-08-07T10:25:00.002-07:002012-08-15T15:59:28.162-07:00Mark My Sword: Chapter 7Cory looked, wide-eyed, around the room. There was a four-poster bed, a little dusty, and a table, also covered in dust. In the corner was a spider web, in near perfect condition, the sunlight from the window catching beautifully in its gossamer threads. Ezra hung, unconscious, from the ceiling, a large, menacing creature standing over her.<br />
<br />
The creature was shaped like a person, but wrong somehow, as if someone had made a portrait and then smudged the wet paint with their hands. It stood half in sunlight, half in shadow, its shaded half glowing a gentle blue. Cory wanted to reach out and touch the thing to see what it was made of, but Muffin empathically and empathetically suggested that this might not be a particularly wise decision.<br />
<br />
"What is that?" Katryn asked Lorien.<br />
<br />
"I don't know," said the wizard, tapping anxiously at his staff. "I've never seen anything like it before."<br />
<br />
"What are you?" she shouted at the creature. "What did you do to Ezra?"<br />
<br />
The creature looked at her blankly through what Cory thought might be eyes. It made a hissing, chittering sound, like a treeful of cicadas on a midsummer day. The noise bothered Muffin, who growled gently, drawing on his magic and preparing his fire breath. <br />
<br />
Cory, feeling Muffin's nervousness, reached in his bag for a small explosive. Katryn held a hand out, signaling to wait for her order. Before anyone could do anything, though, the creature swept toward the window, vanishing into the daylight outside.<br />
<br />
Ezra dropped from the ceiling, only to be caught by Katryn, who stepped up quickly, dropping her sword aside and grabbing her friend with outstretched arms. <br />
<br />
"Her magic's been drained," Lorien said, rushing forward. <br />
<br />
Cory and Muffin watched, worried, as the wizard examined Ezra carefully. Then Cory noticed a mouse in the corner. He watched its whiskers twitching in fascination, wondering if he could replicate the movement with machinery. <br />
<br />
By the time the mouse had crawled away, Lorien announced, "I stabilized her. She'll be fine. She just needs some rest."<br />
<br />
"Thank Pratchett," said Katryn in relief.<br />
<br />
"I don't know what that thing was. Looks like one of Darghzin's chimeras. Whatever it is, it's gone now."<br />
<br />
"I guess Darghzin's not here," Katryn said with a sigh.<br />
<br />
"And they key's gone too," said Lorien. "I guess there's no reason for us to stay here, then."<br />
<br />
"Yeah."<br />
<br />
"Shall we go to the city?"<br />
<br />
"Yeah, sure," said Katryn with obvious distaste.<br />
<br />
Cory wondered if there would be a nice inn in the city. He had an idea about the mouse, but needed a quiet place to work on it.<br />
<br />
With Katryn carrying Ezra, the team walked out of the castle. Out of the corner of his eye, Cory thought he saw something blue, but when he turned around, it was gone.<br />
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<a href="http://filiacaniculae.blogspot.com/2012/08/mark-my-sword-chapter-6.html"><<Last</a><br />
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<a href="http://filiacaniculae.blogspot.com/2012/08/mark-my-sword-chapter-8.html">Next>></a></div>
Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03566497671890574029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245299580330833838.post-80088905222763602092012-08-03T05:01:00.001-07:002012-08-07T10:26:56.118-07:00Mark My Sword: Chapter 6<br />
Katryn pulled out her sword as she jumped to the door, nearly taking Lorien's eye out in the process. <br />
<br />
"What is it?" she barked. Cory and Muffin stood in the hallway, looking slightly baffled by her presence. <br />
<br />
"Cory," she said as patiently as she could, "I heard you screaming a second ago. Would you mind telling me what that was all about?"<br />
<br />
"Oh," said Cory brightly, "I thought I saw a dragonfly, but it was only a spider." He held out a large, hairy creature for inspection. "See?"<br />
<br />
Katryn sighed, more relieved than annoyed. There was no danger, everyone was fine…<br />
<br />
"Hey," said Lorien, "Where's Ezra?"<br />
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***</div>
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Ezra was in a small, dark room, and she wasn't particularly happy about it. She'd been looking at some sort of rabbit, well, mostly a rabbit, and the next thing she knew she was falling up. She'd given up trying to make sense of things in favor of being very, very angry.<br />
<br />
Knives, check. All eight of them. It was nice to have backup. Now, to get out of this place…<br />
<br />
Just then, a strange whispery noise came from above, a soft blue glow emanating in the darkness. <br />
<br />
"Brust," Ezra swore.<br />
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***</div>
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"Pratchett," Katryn swore, rubbing the shin she had bruised on the tower stairs. The steps, as was tradition with evil sorcerers, were extremely steep and slightly damp, a perfect trap for incautious adventurers. Unfortunately, Katryn was in no mood to be cautious. <br />
<br />
Still, she forced herself to take the stairs more slowly. It wouldn't help Ezra if she fell and broke her neck.<br />
<br />
Ahead of her, Lorien looked around, waving his staff, apparently dispelling enchantments. Behind her, Cory and Muffin walked up with backup. Katryn didn't ask what the little metal box did. She wasn't sure that she wanted to find out.<br />
<br />
Finally, the top of the tower was in sight. Naturally, it was guarded by a heavy wooden door. Lorien tapped at it, ears flattening like a nervous dog's. He stepped aside, giving the all-clear. Katryn gave a nod to Muffin, who, with a running start, rammed his body full-force into the door.<br />
<br />
Through a cloud of wood splinters, the team walked through the door. They looked around, taking in the room around them.<br />
<br />
"Pratchett," Katryn swore.<br />
<br />
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<a href="http://filiacaniculae.blogspot.com/2012/07/mark-my-sword-chapter-5.html"><<Last</a><br />
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<a href="http://filiacaniculae.blogspot.com/2012/08/mark-my-sword-chapter-7.html">Next>></a></div>Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03566497671890574029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245299580330833838.post-11068479139848527332012-07-29T07:50:00.001-07:002012-07-29T07:50:53.179-07:00Movie Review: Easy AYes, I'm doing a review of a two-year-old film. I have a tendency to miss movies when they're in theaters, okay?<br />
<br />
Last night, I was flipping through channels and caught <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1282140/">Easy A</a>. You may remember it as that movie where Emma Stone pretends to have sex with a gay dude and then references <i>The Scarlet Letter </i>a lot. While I'm not usually the chick flick type of person, I am generally curious about movies that play with classic literature, even when said classic literature is something as godawful as <i>The Scarlet Letter</i>.<br />
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<i>Dear god, I hate this book.</i></div>
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<i> </i>But enough about my tenth grade English class flashbacks, let's talk about the movie.</div>
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The story, as you may have guessed, is a modern retelling of Nathaniel Hawthorne's <strike>bullshit</strike> <strike>drivel</strike> beloved classic, <i>The Scarlet Letter</i>. It's set in a high school, where a girl who Hollywood thinks is plain and uninteresting-looking tells a lie to a friend. The lie escalates until the entire school is convinced that she's a major slut.Olive embraces her new persona, and even starts accepting money to tell everyone that she slept with various people, until things start going to shit and she is in over her head.</div>
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The story is framed by the main character, Olive, vlogging her story as she explains her side of the story, telling how the lie started, and how it continued. She narrates the story in a dry, witty tone that I found fairly enjoyable. The story is loaded with interesting plot points and characters, most of whom I'm probably going to skip over. Blah blah blah, summary summary. Got it?</div>
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<i>Good.</i></div>
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<i> </i>A quick note: this movie seems to be founded on a vision of high school that is completely alien from my high school experience, which may have ruined my immersion somewhat. In the school of the movie, gossip spreads like wildfire, sex is treated as such a fantastically huge deal that, well, that this plot could happen at all, and gay kids are bullied badly enough that, well, that this plot could happen at all. Can I just say that I'm really glad I never went to a school like this?</div>
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For the purposes of this review, I'm going to assume that my high school was extremely atypical and move on. </div>
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Okay, up front, I've got a couple problems with this movie. For one thing, the love interest feels extremely tacked-on. This is odd, seeing as he's actually fairly important to the plot. I think if he'd been given a more prominent role in the first two thirds of the film, he might have seemed to fit better with the rest. That's just my subjective feeling, though. I tend to have a lower-than-average tolerance for romantic subplots.</div>
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Next, the character of Brandon seems fairly conflicted. Brandon, for those of you who haven't seen the film, is a gay kid who asks Olive to pretend to have sex with him so that he can pretend to be straight. This despite the fact that he seemed fairly against the idea of trying to hide his sexuality in the first couple scenes. Really, it seemed like the writers weren't sure what to do with the character. He was mostly there just to get the plot rolling and act as the punchline to an (admittedly pretty funny) brick joke. He generally felt like a bit of a one-note character, which is a pity because I would've liked to see more of him. </div>
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One-note characters seem to abound in this story, like Rhiannon, the hyper-Christian nutcase who acts judgmental and vindictive. Really, that was her entire goddamn character. They tried to give her some deeper characterization somewhere around the end of act two, but it fell pretty flat in my opinion. Also featured are the guidance counselor who is unhappy with her marriage and some fat nerdy loser character. I didn't bother to remember their names.</div>
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A few problems aside, though, this really is a movie to surprise you. It's standard fare in a lot of ways, but in other ways it's pretty unique and innovative. And, refreshingly, the moral of the story is not for or against sex, but rather takes the stance that other people's sex lives are none of our goddamn business. And really, isn't that a moral that we can all agree with?</div>
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Somewhat ironically, I give <i>Easy A</i> a solid B-minus.</div>
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Valete! </div>Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03566497671890574029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245299580330833838.post-65305316032179953192012-07-28T08:34:00.002-07:002012-08-03T05:02:15.034-07:00Mark My Sword: Chapter 5<br />
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Katryn glared at the water pooled over what had once been her
family’s vegetable garden. After the village had been destroyed by soldiers,
she had made a point of coming back to visit the old house frequently. She had
stopped visiting in recent times, which had clearly not been the best decision.</div>
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She gripped her sword, attempting to pull it out of the mud.
It was stuck. </div>
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“Pratchett,” she swore. She pulled harder, magically
enhanced muscles straining to no avail. Ezra came over to help her. After a bit
of struggle, they decided to harness Muffin to the sword and let him pull for a
while.</div>
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Lorien, meanwhile, had his ear pressed to the ground nearby.
Katryn decided not to comment.</div>
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Ezra, to whom tact and sensitivity were strangers, made no
such decision. Fortunately, whatever culturally insensitive remark she was
about to make was cut off by Cory exclaiming, “Look at those things!”</div>
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A group of small creatures came swimming toward them across
the moat. They looked like ducks that had crocodile heads crudely imposed over
their own. They seemed to have trouble balancing, one of them tumbling end over
end even as they watched. Katryn wondered what sort of cruel god would create
such an animal.</div>
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Lorien looked up, fascinated gaze falling on the crocoducks.
He walked cautiously closer to the edge of the water. “Hmm. Artificial chimeras.
Their magic is mostly tied to maintaining their anatomy. It’s waning, though…
Their source is disappearing…”</div>
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Muffin had abandoned his pulling to sniff curiously at one
of the crocoducks, which snapped at him before falling flat on its snout.</div>
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“Um, yeah,” Katryn said, “Lor, when you’re done looking at
the ducks, do you think you could help me get my sword out of the mud?”</div>
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The elf walked over to the sword, inspecting it carefully.
Then he gave it a tiny nudge with his staff. “Try it now.”</div>
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Katryn grabbed the sword, pulling it out easily.</div>
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“Wizards,” Ezra muttered, massaging her sore arms. </div>
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“The grounds are enchanted,” Lorien said. “It was very easy
to break, though.”</div>
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Katryn gaped, enraged. “He did <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">what</i>? Cory, stop playing with the ducks and figure out how to get
us into that castle.”</div>
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***</div>
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A few messy detonations later, the five adventurers stepped
carefully across the smoking ruins of the drawbridge and into the castle.
Standing in the center of the main entrance hall, Lorien looked around. </div>
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Weak,
spindly webs of blue magic were strewn throughout the entire castle, but there
were two major nodes that the elf could see. He guessed them to be the sorcerer
and the key. </div>
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“This way,” he said. </div>
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“Stick together,” Katryn told the team. “We don’t know what
we’ll find here.”</div>
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As they walked toward the main staircase, Ezra muttered, “It
seems pretty quiet in here.”</div>
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The team tensed, awaiting the inevitable minion attack. </div>
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Strangely, a minute and then another passed with nothing happening. </div>
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“This place is giving me the creeps,” said Ezra.</div>
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They walked through the castle, finding no sign of life save
the occasional moth. If not for the magic lacing the air, Lorien would have
thought the place to be abandoned long ago. </div>
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Finally, they found the door containing one of the magical
nodes. As they approached, Lorien felt a buzzing in his ears that indicated a
strong concentration of magic. This was an elven trait rather than a wizard
one, and despite his years of schooling and discipline the buzz always managed
to fill him with an almost primal sense of anticipation. </div>
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<br /></div>
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He tapped on the door with his staff, clearing away a few
minor enchantments, and gave a nod to the others. Ezra cautiously pushed open
the door. </div>
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The room was lit with a blue glow, both of magic and magical
light, although only Lorien could see the former. The glow emanated from the
various glass tanks hovering around the room, filled with a variety of strange
and unpleasant creatures.</div>
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“That’s strange,” Lorien said, looking at what appeared to
be a baby monkey with dragon wings grafted on.</div>
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“You’re telling us,” said Ezra.</div>
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“No, I mean, this Darghzin. He apparently likes making
chimeras. Wouldn’t you think that his castle would be filled with monsters?”</div>
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“You’re right,” said Katryn. “That’s weird. Instead all
we’ve got are a few mutant ducks and a spell that sticks swords to the ground.”</div>
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In actuality, Lorien had dismantled several much nastier
spells, some of which would have resulted in the loss of Katryn’s head, but
he decided not to mention it.</div>
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“Well, the key’s not here,” said Ezra after a cursory look
around the room.</div>
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“Then there’s only one place it could be,” said Lorien in
resignation. “There’s only one problem. Darghzin is with it.”</div>
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“No problem,” said Ezra. “We’ve dealt with sorcerers before.
We can-"</div>
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What they could do, she never got a chance to say, because
just then, from outside the room, Cory let off a bloodcurdling scream.</div>
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<a href="http://filiacaniculae.blogspot.com/2012/07/mark-my-sword-chapter-4.html"><b><<Last</b></a> </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;">
<a href="http://filiacaniculae.blogspot.com/2012/08/mark-my-sword-chapter-6.html">Next>></a></div>Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03566497671890574029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245299580330833838.post-76306674288395749582012-07-23T13:02:00.001-07:002012-07-28T08:35:10.518-07:00Mark My Sword: Chapter 4<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Don’t you at least think it was a little suspicious?” Ezra
asked as they walked down the dirt road.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You’re being paranoid again,” said Lorien.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Call me paranoid one more time, elf-boy.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Ezra,” Katryn said gently, “Don’t you think that maybe you
can be just a little <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">too</i> careful
sometimes?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Tell me that when you ignore me and end up dying a horrible
death.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Katryn sighed. “Look, remember that blacksmith who you
followed around for a week in Blacktrees?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“He’d put poison in peoples’ blades!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You paid him extra to do that.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Doesn’t make it healthy.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What about the Count of Redcliff?” Lorien pitched in.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I’ve never met a count who wasn’t out to kill me.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“That’s because you’re usually out to kill them.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“And how about the old washerwoman?” Katryn added.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You can’t tell me that you thought that was her natural
hair color!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Katryn and Lorien gave each other a long-suffering look, and
Ezra had to restrain herself to keep from reaching for her knives.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Just then, Cory and Muffin came running around the bend
towards them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“There’s a fork in the road,” Cory said. “One way goes to
the city, and the other way goes to the castle.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“How did you know that?” asked Lorien. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“There were signs.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When they reached the fork, sure enough, there were two
signs posted. One read, ‘GREENWOOD CITY- POPULATION: PRETTY DAMN BIG.’ The
other read, ‘DARGHZIN’S CASTLE. TRESPASSERS WILL BE FED TO THE CROCODUCKS.’ </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ezra wondered what the hell a crocoduck was. It sounded made
up. Looking aside, she noticed that Katryn’s face suddenly seemed even grimmer
than usual.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You okay?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Hmm? Yep. Let’s go.” She stomped off in the direction of Darghzin’s
castle, looking anything but okay.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The others shrugged at each other and followed her. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The road leading up to the castle was winding and ominous,
fairly standard as these things went. After a while, Lorien called for them to
stop so he could set up some magical shielding.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One at a time, he tapped them lightly on the head with the
tip of his staff. The magic was cool and tingly. Ezra shivered a bit as she
felt it engulf her body and contract inward, wrapping itself tightly around the
center of her magic. It was difficult to describe where, exactly, she felt
this, as the magic didn’t technically have any physical location. Lorien had
explained it to her once, but he’d lost her when he started talking about
transdimensional planes and wibbly-wobbly balls of stuff. She'd begun to suspect that wizards just made things up to look smart.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They continued on, more slowly than before. Finally, the
path widened out as the castle came into view.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It wasn’t an especially unique castle. It was a simple, boxy
fortress on a hill, surrounded by a field of blackened ruins. The ruins,
however, appeared to be something of interest, or at least, Katryn was treating
them as such.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“The bastard,” she growled, just barely audible. “The
Pratchett-damned bastard.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Um, Kat..?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Katryn walked, quickly and purposefully, up to the castle.
Bemused, the rest of the team followed her.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Katryn,” Lorien tried to say, “should we really just…”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She made an unintelligible snarling noise, and the elf
quickly shut up.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ezra noticed that Katryn appeared to be counting the ruins
as they walked past them. They looked like the remains of old cottages,
separated by what might once have been small farm plots.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Katryn halted, suddenly, at the castle’s moat. She looked
jarred. Then she drew her broadsword, swinging it deftly around and punching it
deep into the soft earth.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Can you believe it?” she said, looking angrier than Ezra
had ever seen her. “That asshole built a moat over my house.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://filiacaniculae.blogspot.com/2012/07/mark-my-sword-chapter-3.html"><b><<Last</b></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;">
<a href="http://filiacaniculae.blogspot.com/2012/07/mark-my-sword-chapter-5.html"><b>Next>></b></a></div>Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03566497671890574029noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245299580330833838.post-8427843788803644382012-07-20T17:29:00.001-07:002012-07-20T17:29:09.120-07:00Author's Pet WordsEvery so often, I'll be reading a book and notice that the author is using a certain word rather frequently. Not an ordinary word like 'the' or 'said' or 'tree', but something that sticks out, like 'philosophically' or 'vermillion' or 'cathartic'. I've termed these 'author's pet words'.<br />
<br />
These can get extremely distracting, especially to someone like me who pays a lot of attention to words. It gives the impression that the author just learned this new word today and was so proud of it that they had to sneak it into a couple chapters to show it off.<br />
<br />
In my writing, though, I've begun to catch myself using certain words perhaps a bit more frequently than is strictly necessary. The thing is, though, they're generally not difficult to catch. All it takes is to read through the passage and then pull out a thesaurus to fix things up a little.<br />
<br />
I don't know, I guess I'm just somewhat baffled by this phenomenon. Is it just me? Am I overly sensitive to this kind of thing? Maybe.<br />
<br />
Still, I guess the moral of this story is that if you find yourself using a word a little too often, maybe you should put a leash on it and let some other words out to play for a while.<br />
<br />
Or maybe the moral is that I'm a nitpicky douchebag. I'm not sure.<br />
<br />
Well, this post is a waste of everyone's time.<br />
<br />
Valete.Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03566497671890574029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245299580330833838.post-77445669549578471552012-07-18T12:15:00.001-07:002012-07-18T12:15:05.195-07:00Mark My Sword: Chapter 3<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
There was nothing but pain. Oh, Brust, not the sun, not the
sun… Ezra put her hands over her eyes to block out the light. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Hey, Lorien,” Katryn said from across the table, “Don’t you
have any healing spells for hangovers?” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Hells no. I can’t heal myself. If I have to suffer, then so
do you.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I thought elves had a higher tolerance for pain, you baby,”
Ezra growled. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the corner, the mechanical daisy Cory had been making
blew apart in a puff of smoke. He began patiently gathering the pieces and reassembling them, his single-minded concentration somehow making Ezra's head hurt worse.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Hey, Cory,” Katryn said. “Go find us three healing potions.
Now.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
***</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“My mouth tastes like cat piss,” Ezra complained.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“How do you know that?” Lorien asked.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“We can’t keep doing this,” Katryn said suddenly.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What, drinking cat-“</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“No, this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bumming
around the Damsel District, rescuing bratty princesses, wasting all our money
on cheap ale… We need something different. An adventure, or a quest or
something.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Quests don’t just fall out of the sky, you know,” Ezra
said.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They all waited a moment.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What are you doing?” Cory asked them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sheepish, Katryn said, “It just seemed like something might
happen the-“</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She was interrupted as a large sign dropped on her head
bearing the label, ‘QUEST. HEROES WANTED.’</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Ah,” said Ezra sagely. “There it is.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Great,” Katryn wheezed from the ground. “Now could you get
this damn thing off of me?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
***</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They arrived at the address, a small, musty shop crammed in
between two larger ones. It looked suspiciously like the sort of shop that
would vanish when you went back to look for it again. The nature of these
shops, incidentally, made it very difficult to return damaged items. Ezra suspected
that this was by design.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The five of them entered the shop, the door jingling
slightly as Katryn pushed it open. Ezra noted that the door had no bells on it.
Magic users had an odd sense of humor. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The inside was dark and dusty, crammed full of strange and
half-unidentifiable objects. Ezra took stock of the room, shuddering slightly
at bottles filled with various slimes and insects and pausing for a baffling
moment to inspect what appeared to be a stuffed duck with a crocodile’s head
sewn onto it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
An old man sat cross-legged on the counter, eyes closed and
head down. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Um, sir?” Katryn said hesitantly. “Excuse me?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He did nothing. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Katryn repeated herself a little louder. Still nothing.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ezra stepped forward cautiously and poked his forehead. He
didn’t move. She reached for a wrist to check his pulse. Suddenly, a hand shot
out and grabbed hers.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Ow! Ow! Ow!” She writhed in pain as he pulled back her
index finger. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The others ran forward quickly to separate the two of them.
After a brief struggle, they managed to pull Ezra away. She glared at the old
man as Katryn tried to smooth things over with him.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Why have you come to my shop?” he asked in a quavery voice.
It was, in fact, the very voice that one would expect a mysterious old man to
have. Very convenient, Ezra thought, glaring at him and nursing her hand.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“We saw your sign,” Katryn put in. “We’re heroes.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Ah! Why didn’t you say so?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ezra had to be restrained by Lorien.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“There was once, in the days of old, a mystic key created by
the mighty enchanter Maga Fin, said to possess unique and mysterious powers.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ezra frowned. Was it just her, or had soft background music
suddenly started playing?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“This key remained hidden for many generations, until some
heroes discovered it. Though they tried to wield it, they found that they could
not, and so they pawned it off on me. Then a week ago some bastard stole it.”
The old man frowned.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The music had stopped. Ezra decided it must have been her
imagination.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Do you know who took it?” Katryn asked.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“An evil sorcerer by the name of Darghzin. He has a castle
to the west, in the kingdom of Greenwood. That is where you will find the key.
Will you accept this quest?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Hold on,” Katryn said, “Greenwood?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Little place just north of Horseford…”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Right, right, I know where it is,” said Katryn with a sigh.
“How’s the pay?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I can give you five hundred gold upon the delivery of the
key.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“A thousand.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Six hundred.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Nine.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Seven hundred and fifty gold.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Deal.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He stuck out his hand and she shook it. There was a faint
yellow glow around their hands as the contract was sealed with magic.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Wait, Ezra thought, was that it? Ordinarily, heroes couldn’t
be hired without reams of paperwork and thirty questions to make sure that
their team fit FHHA standards. Why hadn’t he at least asked for a resume? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, it was too late to voice concerns now, after the
contract had been sealed. Damn. It would be just their luck if they’d taken on
something too dangerous to handle. She glared at the old man suspiciously,
vowing to keep a close eye out. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS Mincho"; mso-fareast-language: JA; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;"><a href="http://filiacaniculae.blogspot.com/2012/07/mark-my-sword-chapter-2.html"><b><<Previous</b></a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;"><br clear="all" style="mso-special-character: line-break; page-break-before: always;" />
</span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">(<i>Next chapter on Tuesday.)</i><br clear="all" style="page-break-before: always;" />
</span>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03566497671890574029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245299580330833838.post-38803087618609036462012-07-14T10:44:00.002-07:002012-07-18T12:16:01.184-07:00Mark My Sword: Chapter 2<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Oh thank Brust!” Ezra said as the walls of the city
appeared over the crest of the hill. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Katryn understood her relief. The trip had been nothing but
one long list of complaints from the princess. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Amariellannettee, upon seeing the castle, let out a wail.
The team cringed collectively. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What is it this time?” Ezra shouted to the sky.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I can’t let my subjects see me like this! Just look at my
hair!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Why did I ever give up assassination?” Ezra muttered. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Don’t worry, your highness,” Lorien said smoothly. “I can
create a suitable disguise for you.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The princess looked at him with big eyes. “You mean you can
cast a glamour on me?” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Something like that.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
***</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The guard looked slightly confused as he waved through an
elf, a dragon, three humans, and an unidentifiable creature wearing a bag over
its head.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“This is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i>
amusing,” Amariellannettee muttered in Katryn’s ear. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“But nobody will recognize you now,” Katryn said cheerfully. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“But I can’t <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">see</i>
anything!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Up ahead, Ezra appeared to be skipping.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The town was like most castle towns in the area. It had a
busy marketplace and half a dozen inns. The streets were thronged with
merchants, farmers and minstrel troupes, as well as the occasional adventurers
looking for work. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The team pushed through the main street, leading the
princess by the arm. Katryn only let her bump into a few vegetable carts, an
admirable show of restraint, she thought.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At the castle gate, they were stopped by a pair of
bored-looking guards.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Hello,” said Katryn. “We’re here to see the king.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“State your business.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“We’re the heroes he hired last week. Princess rescue.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Employment pass?” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Right. Lorien, give them the pass.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The elf nodded, digging into the pocket of his robes. He
frowned. Moving his staff into left hand, he checked the other pocket. Then,
shoving the staff into Cory’s hands, he patted himself down frantically.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Tolkien,” he swore. “I, um, think I might have dropped it
in the sorcerer’s castle…”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Right before we blew it up. Of course.” Katryn sighed,
squeezing the bridge of her nose in an attempt to ward off an oncoming headache.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“We can’t let you through without a pass,” the guard said.
“You’ll need to make an appointment. It’ll take about a week…”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A muffled shriek came from under the princess’s sack. “You
are the worst heroes ever!” She lifted the bag off of her head,
practically hissing at the guards, “I am your princess! Let me through right
now or I will have you executed!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The guards backed away as if they’d been confronted by a
demon, bowing all the way. Without a word, Amariellannettee stomped forward.
Katryn shrugged, and the team followed her. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the throne room, the king stood to greet them. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“My daughter!” he said, arms wide.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“These guys suck, dad. Don’t pay them anything.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Hey. We’ve got a contract,” Ezra snapped.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Do you know what I had to go through the last three days? I
was dragged across muddy roads, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">on foot</i>,
suffered humiliation, bad food…”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“The terms were we bring her back, we get paid,” Katryn
said. “Here she is.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The king looked uncomfortable. “Ammy, sweetie, they’re
right, you know. I can’t go around breaking my contracts.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The princess made a noise usually associated with donkeys
and stormed off. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Roland, their money.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A footman stepped forward with a heavy sack. Katryn opened
it. Gold coins. She closed the bag again, giving it to Muffin, who swallowed
it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The king and the footman gave her a strange look.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“He has a special pouch that he stores it in,” Cory
explained proudly. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Katryn shook her head. “Look, don’t ask. It makes the dragon
happy, and we’ve never had a problem getting it back from him before.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The king and footman continued to look at them blankly.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Well, nice doing business with you, your highness,” Katryn
said. “We’ll just leave, then…”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
***</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“That was…something,” Katryn said as they walked away from
the castle.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I’m sick of dealing with these damn damsels,” said Ezra
sullenly. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Aren’t we all,” Katryn muttered.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“At least we got paid,” said Lorien. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Yeah. Hey,” Katryn said, “I thought I saw an inn earlier
that didn’t look too cheap. I don’t know about you guys, but I could use a
drink.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://filiacaniculae.blogspot.com/2012/07/mark-my-sword-chapter-1.html"><b><<First</b> </a></div>
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;"><br clear="all" style="mso-special-character: line-break; page-break-before: always;" />
</span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: right;">
<a href="http://filiacaniculae.blogspot.com/2012/07/mark-my-sword-chapter-3.html"><b>Next>></b></a></div>Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03566497671890574029noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245299580330833838.post-35154888124307243502012-07-11T13:21:00.001-07:002012-07-11T13:21:51.022-07:00Top Ten Songs To Write Epic Things ToWhen I went to bed last night, I had the best idea for a post ever. Then I woke up this afternoon to find that <a href="http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/thatguywiththeglasses/nostalgia-critic/35864-the-top-11-f-yeah-movie-themes">the Nostalgia Critic stole it from me.</a> I'm still going to do it, though.<br />
<br />
When I write, I don't usually listen to music. It distracts me too much. But sometimes, there are scenes where you just need to be full of energy, those big, emotional moments when shit is about to go down. And when that happens, these are some of my go-to songs. They are great, epic and make you want to just go out and do something <i>awesome</i>.<br />
<br />
Why top ten? Because I want to prove that I'm not ripping off the Nostalgia Critic. (Hmm... Maybe I should delete that last line?) <br />
<br />
First, honorable mentions:<br />
<br />
<b>HM 1: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPfMb50dsOk">Discord (Eurobeat Brony Remix) </a></b><br />
<b>HM 2: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7D5npZ0cpg">Resonance (Soul Eater Season One Theme)</a> </b><br />
<br />
Now, onto the list!<br />
<br />
<b>10. Cascade (Homestuck)</b><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/Ckr6KyZoS58?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />
Homestuck has a lot of great music, but Cascade is without a question the most epic of all the Homestuck songs. Introduced in the Cascade flash, which is one of the most mind-blowing parts of Homestuck to date, it goes perfectly with the amazing, game-changing action taking place.<br />
<b> </b><br />
Why is it so low on the list? Well, look at the time. It's over ten minutes long. While it works <i>extremely</i> well when played along with the Cascade flash, it has a hard time keeping up momentum for so long on its own, especially with all the slow moments in the music. Still, it's an awesome song- I mean, just listen to the way it smacks you in the face with those opening notes. Fuck yeah. For best effect, listen to about the first four minutes, although the rest is pretty awesome as well.<br />
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<b>9. This Year (The Mountain Goats)</b><br />
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You might not expect the folksy, acoustic guitar-playing Mountain Goats to appear on a list of epic songs. If so, then you've clearly never heard them play before. I mean, damn. This Year is a loud, punch-you-in-the-gut song. When singer John Darnielle says that he is going to make it through this year if it kills him, you not only believe his determination, but you damn well believe that it just might kill him. Basically? Fuck yeah. This song probably works best with something set in the real world, not so much the epic fantasy I had in mind while writing this list. Nevertheless, it is a great song of determination and awesomeness. <b> </b><br />
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<b>8. The Call (Regina Spektor)</b><br />
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This song is probably the softest one on the list, but it is no less epic because of it. It's a song of loss and sadness, but also of hope for renewal. Regina's vocals are beautiful, the piano and strings are understated and soft but pervasive, and, all in all, the song just gives me chills. Short and sweet, but amazing. Perfect for sending your soldier off to the war to, or just for writing something sad.<br />
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Note: I made a point, for variety's sake, of only including one song per artist, but her song Blue Lips receives and honorable mention. Check it out some time.<br />
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<b>7. Black Unicorn (Voltaire)</b><br />
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I had to push a couple other songs off the list to make room for this one, but god damn was it worth it. The full title of the song is Riding a Black Unicorn Down the Side of an Erupting Volcano as I Drink from a Chalice Filled with the Laughter of Small Children. I mean, seriously, that is so epic that it punches rainbows and makes pimp hats out of their spleens. How can you not appreciate this sort of epic? The song is on the slower side, but it is pretty cool and the words alone pretty much guarantee it a spot here. Do what you like with it, but appreciate its majesty.<br />
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<b>6. Goin' Back to Hogwarts (A Very Potter Musical)</b><br />
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If you ever doubted that I was a nerd, well, doubt no more. This song is amazing. Really, the whole musical is amazing, but this song is truly the most epic of them all. (You should also check<b> </b>out the reprise at the end of the musical.) This song builds slowly, starting with Harry alone and slowly adding in Ron, Hermione, and finally the entire the cast, slowly getting everyone pumped. For those of you who, like me, grew up with Harry Potter, it's also loaded with nostalgic value and tons of laughs. The song is made of badassery and hilarity. It just fills you with fun and anticipation. I'm not sure what it would be best to write to, but it's so fun and awesome that it has to be good for something.<br />
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<b>5. How Far We've Come (Matchbox Twenty)</b><br />
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Some of you may remember that this song was really big in 2005/2006. When I was in San Francisco in summer of '06, it was playing almost constantly from every store in Chinatown. Well, sometimes songs are popular for a reason, and this song is just damn epic. I dare you to try listening to the chorus without singing along. Great for revving yourself up for that big climax.<br />
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<b>4. This is War (30 Seconds to Mars)</b><br />
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I didn't realize that this song existed for a while, but when I heard it, well, wow. The husky voice of the lead singer? The persistent hum of the guitar? The slow build to the screaming chorus? This <i>is</i> war. This is just kind of awesome. It builds and builds. This is a song for an epic battle. It just....gah, it's awesome.<br />
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<b>3. Battle Cry (Ludo)</b><br />
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Ludo is often dismissed as being "too weird". You may or may not have noticed, but I like weird. Weird is great. And I think that Ludo proves it with this. It's weird, and silly, and somehow still gloriously awesome. It gets your attention from the opening riff, and it never lets it go. It has a truly <i>big</i> feel to it- goddamn it, this <i>is</i> our motherfucking battle cry. Let's go kick some enemy ass! Perfect for when your commander rallies their troops after a defeat.<br />
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Note: Remember the one song per artist rule? Ludo is the reason for that. This could very easily have become 'Ludo's Top Ten Awesome Songs' if I hadn't cut back. Check them out; they're amazing. <br />
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<b>2. Legend of Zelda Theme (25th Anniversary Orchestral Version)</b><br />
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The Legend of Zelda series has some incredible music. While this is not my favorite LoZ song, it is certainly one of the most epic. Multipurpose and majestic, the full orchestra really helps to bring out the nuance and grandeur of the piece. Just listen to it! Doesn't it make you want to go fight evil and rescue princesses? (If you said no to that question than you might be Ganondorf. Do you want to be Ganondorf? I didn't think so.)<br />
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<b>1. I Am the Doctor (Doctor Who)</b><br />
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This is truly deserving of the number one spot. The action theme of one of my favorite Doctors of all time, I Am the Doctor is badass, uplifting and triumphant. There's danger here, yes, but also great adventure and fun. Come with me, the song promises, and great things will happen. The world is scary, but it's also thrilling and beautiful, and I'd love to share it with you if you'll let me. It's a song that has a lot to offer, and I could sit listening to it on replay all day. (That is not exaggeration. I have done that before.)<br />
<b> </b><br />
<b> </b><br />
Well, that was my list! I hope you liked some of the songs on here. These are songs that I personally listen to to get pumped up for writing, and not everyone is the same. If you think there are some that should've been on here, feel free to say so in the comments!<br />
<br />
Valete!<br />
<br />Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03566497671890574029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245299580330833838.post-20752920101235113582012-07-08T11:32:00.002-07:002012-07-14T10:46:29.288-07:00Mark My Sword: Chapter 1<br />
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Katryn ran down the corridor as quietly as possible,
broadsword gripped tightly in both hands. She vaguely remembered someone
telling her once not to run with sharp objects, but she’d been doing it for
years and had never…. Well, hardly ever… Well, anyway, that was why her team
had a healer, wasn’t it.</div>
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<br /></div>
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She stopped at the appropriate doorway. She knew it was the
right one; most of the castles in the Damsel District were built by the same
contractors, and they all had pretty much the same layout.</div>
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<br /></div>
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She raised a boot to the thick wooden door, breaking it open
with a satisfying crash. She staggered forward a bit, managing to catch
herself. </div>
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A wide-eyed princess looked at her in surprise. </div>
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“Princess Amariel?” Katryn asked. </div>
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“It’s Amariellannettee,” the princess said uncertainly.
“Um…”</div>
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“Whatever. I’m here to rescue you.”</div>
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“Erm…”</div>
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<br /></div>
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“We don’t have all day,” Katryn said impatiently. “My team
is distracting the sorcerer, and this castle’s rigged to blow at any minute.”</div>
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<br /></div>
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“It’s just that I expected you to be more…male.”</div>
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<br /></div>
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“Ah, Pratchett, not this again.” Katryn sighed. “Look, this
is just a basic contract, you know. I’m here to rescue you, not marry you.
Anyway, the economy’s tight right now. You’re just lucky that your father could
afford real heroes. I heard there’s some kingdom south of here that had to hire
a plumber to do its rescue jobs.”</div>
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“You’re right, I’m sorry…”</div>
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“Besides, it’s not like I wouldn’t rather be off rescuing
some handsome prince for once, but no, they always have to be the big damn
heroes, the selfish bastards, and the few I do find just hit on Cory or
Lorien…”</div>
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“I said I’m… Hey, didn’t you say this castle is rigged to
explode?”</div>
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Reluctantly, Katryn broke off her rant. “Yeah, come on.”</div>
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They ran back the way Katryn had just come. At least, Katryn
ran. After several mishaps with shoes and gown, the princess was scooped up
unceremoniously and carried. </div>
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At the front gate, they met Ezra and Lorien, running in the
same direction. </div>
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“Cory’s waiting down the hill,” Ezra panted. “Minions
coming…” </div>
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The four of them ran until they finally, and rather
literally, stumbled across Cory, lying in the grass beside his dragon. </div>
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They crouched down beside him. “Ready?” asked Katryn.</div>
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Cory nodded, causing his mop of brown hair to flop madly in
his face.</div>
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“Right,” said Katryn. “Lorien, raise the shield.”</div>
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The elf gripped his staff tightly, slowing his breathing as
he concentrated. </div>
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After a moment, the tip of the staff shone as a glowing
green dome appeared, neatly encasing the group. Cory reached into the bulging
knapsack beside him, pulling out a small metal box studded with a variety of
seemingly cosmetic gears and switches. </div>
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“Okay,” Katryn said, “Ready in five, four, three…”</div>
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Cory flipped a switch.</div>
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“Two one,” sighed Katryn as the explosion rocked the ground. </div>
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Chunks of stone and minion rained down, bouncing harmlessly
off of their shield.</div>
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The princess gave Katryn an annoyed look. “I thought you
said it was rigged to blow at any minute.”</div>
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<br /></div>
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Katryn shrugged. “It got you moving, didn’t it?”</div>
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<br /></div>
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The princess gaped in outrage.</div>
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“In her defense,” Ezra said, “Cory sometimes blows up
buildings with people still inside them.” She gave him a pointed look.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Cory cringed. “That only happened once! Muffin got impatient
and stole the remote from me!”</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Severe burns and eight broken bones!” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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The dragon grinned and flicked his tongue at her.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Your dragon’s name is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Muffin</i>?”
said Amariellannettee, wrinkling her nose in distaste. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“So? Your name is Amariellannettee,” said Katryn. She shook
away an uneasy feeling that she may have unwittingly said something deeply
ironic. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I’m putting the shield down now,” Lorien said. The green
dome flickered and died, leaving them standing in the midst of a field of
rubble.</div>
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<br /></div>
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“Right,” said Katryn. “It’s a three day walk back to the
king’s castle, so we’d better start now while it’s still daylight.”</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The princess gave her a disbelieving look. “Walk? You mean
you don’t even have <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">horses</i>? What kind
of adventurers are you?”</div>
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<br /></div>
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“Cheap ones,” Katryn snapped. “Now let’s go.” </div>
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It was going to be a long three days.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="http://filiacaniculae.blogspot.com/2012/07/mark-my-sword-chapter-2.html"><b>Next>></b></a> </div>
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;"></span>Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03566497671890574029noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245299580330833838.post-91414424237381143612012-07-05T16:42:00.001-07:002012-07-05T16:42:22.982-07:00Mark My Sword: Coming SoonMy long awaited web novel, Mark My Sword, will be coming soon to a blog near you! (Well, I'll assume that it's near you, because you're reading it right now, and... Yeah.)<br />
<br />
Mark My Sword is a fantasy/parody adventure about a team of heroes trying to make it big and save the world and stuff. I just want to get a few buffer chapters written up, do a little polishing, and I should have the first chapter posted sometime in the next week or so. Keep your eyes out, and I hope it's as fun for you to read as it is for me to write!Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03566497671890574029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245299580330833838.post-7584062685248019702012-07-04T20:40:00.001-07:002012-07-04T20:40:59.138-07:00Just Throw It AwayJust a silly little thought that I had.<br />
<br />
I always get stuck on the first chapters of my stories. I think that 90% of everything that I've written in my life had the words 'Chapter One' hovering over it somewhere. I can never just seem to get past that first hurdle and get into the story proper.<br />
<br />
I was listening to <a href="http://www.writingexcuses.com/2008/03/02/writing-excuses-episode-4-beginnings/">this podcast</a>. Something that they said, though I'm not sure what, reminded me of something that my voice teacher tells me all the time when I get stuck on a high note: "Just throw it away." That is, don't think about it, don't worry about it, just sing it quick and move on to the next note.<br />
<br />
Okay, my first chapter might not be great. But if I ever want to progress with my story, I have to just throw it away so that I can move on to the next bit. And the great part about writing, as opposed to singing? I can go back anytime I want and give it another shot. <br />
<br />
Not sure why this clicked in my head, but I just figured I'd share it. Hell, it might help someone else, too. If not, I'm sorry that I wasted your time with this. Here, let me make it up to you.<br />
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<i>Hear the sound of your brain melting? That's the sound of forgiveness.</i></div>Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03566497671890574029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245299580330833838.post-51843229786709832032012-07-03T21:44:00.001-07:002012-07-03T21:47:20.905-07:00Let's Watch: Soul Eater Episode IIISome of you may have noticed that I haven't quite worked out what to call this series. Episode 3 can be watched <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svYb5LdC0M8">here</a>.<br />
<br />
As promised:<br />
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<i><b>DEATH THE MOTHERFUCKIN' KID, EVERYBODY.</b></i></div>
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<a href="http://i.neoseeker.com/mgv/434110-Anime%20Gurl/110/17/death_the_kid_wallpaper_by_kujaex_display.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://i.neoseeker.com/mgv/434110-Anime%20Gurl/110/17/death_the_kid_wallpaper_by_kujaex_display.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>Too badass to hold guns correctly.</i></div>
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While Death the Kid isn't my favorite character, he's probably my favorite of the main group for reasons that I'll explain in a few minutes. </div>
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<i><b> </b></i></div>
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So, blah blah, intro intro, skip, skip... We finally open on some B-list superhero jumping out of a house with a giant skull and crossed scythes on the front, bag of loot in tow. Did I mention that I freaking love this series?</div>
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Giant bolts of pink energy fly after the superhero-thing. We see a kid standing on a roof. He is holding his guns upside-down. Now, some of you might not realize exactly how weak your pinkies are. As a bass player, however, I'm able to say definitively that they are really goddamn weak. Trying to fire a gun with a pinkie would be horribly uncomfortable and probably less accurate than just holding it the right way to begin with. Plus, holding them upside-down looks kind of stupid. But whatever, Kid, it's your party.</div>
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Kid's guns turn into girls in midriff-bearing cowboy outfits. They strike some elaborate pose. The bad guy slumps in defeat. Then Kid yells at the smaller and derpier weapon for standing slightly off her mark. The bad guy escapes. See, Kid has some major OCD. He <strike>likes</strike> <i>needs</i> things to be symmetrical. And the best part? This doesn't just go away at critical moments. He's a huge, superpowered badass with a stupid weakness that actually impairs him at critical moments. A silly but effective flaw. This is one of the reasons that he's my favorite of the main cast. What's the other one, you ask? He's got a cool character design. Yeah, I never said I wasn't shallow. </div>
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So, next kid yells at Patty (the young, cute and stupid one) and Liz (the boring one) for being different heights, having different hair styles, and having different-sized boobs. If it were any other character, I'd think they just wanted to cop a feel. Liz points out that his hair's asymmetrical, and he has a nice cry. They say nice things about him until he perks up and goes to see his father. (His father's Death, if the name wasn't enough of a hint for you.)</div>
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Kid badasses himself a holographic projection of Death, who derps around as per usual. We learn that Kid is a shinigami and doesn't have to muddy his boots collecting souls with the rest of the peasants, but he chooses to anyway because his OCD compels him to. He chooses a challenging mission because he's Death the Motherfuckin' Kid. </div>
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The mission is in a temple in Egypt. I'm not sure why the kids go all around the world for missions; I always got the sense from this series that there were multiple Afreet-hunting centers, one per continent, and the DMWA, the one the characters are from, is in North America. But whatever. I could be wrong.</div>
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The temple is symmetrical. Kid flies in on his skateboard and drools. (You read that right.) Kid then leaves Liz and Patty behind in the mummy-infested temple because he thinks that he might have left the picture frame in his room slightly askew. Liz isn't happy, but Patty is too dumb to care. Liz and Patty then have an awesome fight scene, taking turns being guns. It makes me wonder what they even need a meister for. Being a weapon must kind of suck, really.</div>
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Meanwhile, the witch they went in to catch resurrects a pharaoh. It eats her. Back at his big frickin' house, Kid discovers that his picture was perfectly straight after all and starts to head back. Back in the temple, Liz is about to have a heart attack. She is scared of ghosts. She and Patty go down to the <strike>boss room</strike> pharaoh's chamber. Back at the DMWA again, Soul and Black Star go and talk to a teacher named Sid. </div>
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<a href="http://images.wikia.com/souleater/images/a/a9/Sid_Alive.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://images.wikia.com/souleater/images/a/a9/Sid_Alive.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
When I saw Sid, I was all, "An attractive-looking black guy in an anime? What sorcery is this?" Don't get your hopes up, though. Next episode, he turns into a blue chipmunk zombie.<br />
<br />
Anyway, Kid eventually finds Liz and Patty. They're tied up by the mummy. The mummy apparently remembered that he hadn't gotten laid in a few hundred years, because it looks like it's about to get all tentacle-rapey up in there. Kid is helpful for once and they get out. Then he realizes that the mummy is symmetrical, and he's unable to shoot it. He gets his ass kicked. I wonder why Liz doesn't just grab Patty and shoot the thing herself.<br />
<br />
Then the mummy emerges from its sarcophagus. It's got a missing eye. Kid can shoot it now. He flips out and accidentally blows a hole in the temple. It isn't symmetrical anymore. Kid is sad panda.<br />
<br />
That's pretty much it. This one was the best episode thus far. Kid was great, Liz and Patty were amusing. I already explained why Kid is awesome. This one also had some great fight scenes and the pace was much better than the previous two. It was a lot less exposition-heavy, and it was funnier as well.<br />
<br />
<b>Final Grade: 7/10</b><br />
<br />
Now that we've met all the main cast, they finally get to meet each other next episode! (Well, the other four get to meet these three, anyway. They already know each other.)<br />
<br />
Valete!<br />
<br />
ヘレン<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><a href="http://filiacaniculae.blogspot.com/2012/06/filia-caniculae-watches-animes-soul.html"><<First</a></b> <b> <a href="http://filiacaniculae.blogspot.com/2012/06/soul-eater-episode-ii.html"><Latest</a></b></div>Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03566497671890574029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245299580330833838.post-14017212457983008612012-07-01T23:34:00.001-07:002012-07-01T23:34:09.548-07:00Legend of Zelda: A Comparison of Three GamesI am not a gamer. The only console I've ever owned is a Wii, and I hardly ever even use it. However, I do, occasionally, enjoy playing Legend of Zelda games. Three, specifically; Ocarina of Time, Twilight Princess and Skyward Sword.<br />
<br />
Now, OoT and TP are <i>awesome</i>, so I was super excited when I got SS back in December. However, I... wasn't overly fond of it. Recently, I got bored and started replaying it in hero mode, and I'm remembering, once again, all the things that I disliked about it. (And, okay, a few of the things I did like too.) Now, my friends and sister apparently think that I'm just being my usual complaining self when I talk about how obviously inferior SS is to the other games, and so now I'm going to prove that my bitching is substantiated by FACT! (Or, you know, informed opinion. Whatever.)<br />
<br />
By the way, severe spoilers ahead for all three games. Read at thine own risk. <br />
<br />
<b>Visuals</b><br />
<br />
Ocarina of Time does not, admittedly, have the greatest graphics. It looks weird and papery, like the people are just painted origami on a rubbery clay background. It's in an awkward growing phase between the classic charm of 8-bit graphics and the smooth, lifelike graphics of the modern day. However, I think we should give credit for the fact that, for its time, the game was a groundbreaker in the field of 3D gaming. For its time, it was really pretty impressive.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsw9wCefI_mO0FSkYan46HIX60eyRIB_w_9YJBaZi55f81HxSxWpUfDcUYZEjTaU9R_XhpAmS-n4Qz1UkM65dy0loNBnmSu-JhUk2V8pdo-GHPbs5ZW06CyMGsTGDCVfLeVWvRwKc_Ipn7/s1600/ocarina-of-time_l.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsw9wCefI_mO0FSkYan46HIX60eyRIB_w_9YJBaZi55f81HxSxWpUfDcUYZEjTaU9R_XhpAmS-n4Qz1UkM65dy0loNBnmSu-JhUk2V8pdo-GHPbs5ZW06CyMGsTGDCVfLeVWvRwKc_Ipn7/s320/ocarina-of-time_l.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>It kind of grows on you, really.</i></div>
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<i> </i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Charm aside, after having played OoT, I was blown out of the water when I started playing to Twilight Princess. The graphics are absolutely <i>gorgeous</i>. I could happily have just sat there watching the opening animation forever. (Of course, I sort of had to anyway.)<i> </i>It was amazing. The colors, the textures, the sheer amount of detail that went into it. It was cool, is what I'm saying. </div>
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<a href="http://www.zeldadungeon.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/tp-editorial1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://www.zeldadungeon.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/tp-editorial1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Funny story- <a href="http://www.zeldadungeon.net/2012/05/the-problem-with-twilight-princess/">the site where I found this image</a> was complaining about "graphics whores" who only like this game because it's pretty. Y'know what? Bite me.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i> </i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
After playing Twilight Princess, I, possibly naively, expected Skyward Sword to be at least on the same level. I popped in the game. I looked at it. I looked at the case. Then back at the game. Then I said, "This was made <i>after</i> Twilight Princess?" Seriously, it looked like a halfway point between OoT and TP. Seconds in and I already felt like they were backsliding.</div>
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<a href="http://cdn3.digitaltrends.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/ss_02.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://cdn3.digitaltrends.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/ss_02.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>Okay, not terrible, but they set the bar so high with the last one!</i></div>
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<i> </i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Okay, graphics are not the most important part of a game by any means. But they're the first thing people see of the game, and first impressions <i>are</i> important. They set the tone for the story. With Twilight Princess, the graphics say "epic". With Skyward Sword, they say something more along the lines of "early-morning PBS cartoon". <i> </i></div>
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<b>Characters</b></div>
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<b> </b></div>
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I won't be focusing on Link here. He doesn't really have a ton of character in any games; he's the bland everyman hero the gamer projects themselves onto.</div>
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<b> </b></div>
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<u>Zelda</u></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Zelda in Ocarina of Time was excellent. Rather than spend her time in exile being a pointless damsel in distress, she became a badass action girl (or possibly shapeshifted into a dude? The fans are still arguing over this one, apparently.) She was tough and determined, whether as a little girl, an adult Shiek or even as a captured princess. Hey, she may not have fought Ganon, but she did lead Link out of the crumbling castle, so that was helpful.</div>
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<br /></div>
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In Twilight Princess, she was much less involved in the plot. She was a mysterious, solitary figure, cloaked in guilt and sorrow for the fate of her land and her subjects. Maybe it was my inner emo kid coming out, but I can appreciate a darker, more mellow Zelda. (I won't lie, it probably also helped that she was pretty attractive. What? I played it as a high school freshman. I was shameless.)</div>
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<br /></div>
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In Skyward Sword, she was......well.... Annoying. Seriously. I think that the game was trying to make her cute and endearing, but come on. It's an adventure game, not a freakin' dating sim. I appreciate the attempt at character development, but why the hell was Zelda giggling all coyly and asking Link how she looks? Wasn't the intro long enough already? I swear, it was an hour before they let me save that damn thing. I guess later on she became more tolerable, but honestly, it was too little, too late. </div>
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<br /></div>
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<u>The Companion</u></div>
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<br /></div>
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I never developed quite the hatred for Navi that most OoT fans seemed to, but then again, I played the first half of the game with the sound off. And I have to say, the constant 'Hey! Listen!' does get a little grating. The problem with Navi, I think, is that she was never really a character, just a gaming convenience given annoying voice. Still, she was pretty helpful at times, and, I'll admit it, I was a little sad when she left Link at the end of the game. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
All the problems with Navi were mitigated with Midna. God, I love Midna. See, unlike Navi, Midna had character. She had a backstory and a motive and was an integral part of the story. You started out hating her, but it was by design, and by the middle of the game, when she was in danger, you realized exactly how fond you'd become of the odd little monster girl. She was snarky and manipulative, but she was really quite sweet underneath it, and, well, she was basically awesome. Hearts to Midna. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Skyward Sword introduced Fi, an AI built into the Master Sword. Since Skyward Sword was the franchise's origin story, that means that in every other Zelda game ever, we've all been slashing at monsters using the corpse of a dead robo-girl. You're welcome for that mental image. Anyway, Fi was.........really, really, really super irritating. She didn't help the very strong impression that I had that SS was meant to be played by small children. Every time you walked by a door she stopped you and said something like, "This appears to be a door. There is an 85% probability that it is meant to be opened by a key. I suggest searching for a key in the nearby vicinity." There were countless other ways she had of pissing people off and getting on people's nerves, and not even her incredibly cool design was enough to rescue the character. She was just obnoxious.</div>
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<u>The Villains</u></div>
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<br /></div>
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In OoT, there was really only one main villain. You know who I mean. Ganondorf. There were a few smaller guys, but they weren't important or memorable enough to count. It was all about the Ganon. He was pretty much awesome. He rose to power by tricking Link into practically handing it to him. After he'd taken over and turned the world to shit, he retired to become the archetypal evil overlord, complete with the giant evil fortress and the pipe organ of doom. He wasn't particularly cool or original, but you have to respect the classics.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Twilight Princess had an interesting villain in Zant. He was mysterious, dark and shadowy, a figure from Midna's past. However, he proved, in the end, to be a simple puppet to the greater power of Ganondorf. I think it was interesting to mess with players' expectations like that. I'm not entirely sure whether it was good or bad, but it was most definitely interesting.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Okay, villains are one area in which Skyward Sword shines. You all know who I'm talking about, right?</div>
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<a href="http://www.zeldadungeon.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Ghirahim.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.zeldadungeon.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Ghirahim.jpg" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Lord. Freakin'. Girahim. His heart is full of rainbows, and you're going to die.</i></div>
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<i> </i></div>
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Offensive camp, hilariously awesome effeminate badass? Aw hell yes. I loved every second of him.</div>
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</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Now mister not-Ganondorf/Demise? I was a little less interested in him. I really disliked how he was set up as the (literal) spiritual predecessor to Ganon. Seriously, Ganondorf is cool, and he's the main villain of the series, but couldn't we leave him as a person with complex motivations rather than just some dude who got possessed by an ancient evil? That's just crap characterization retconning.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>Plot</b></div>
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<b> </b></div>
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All the games have basically the same plot. Find the plot tokens, rescue Zelda, defeat the big bad. Simple. However, they all have a couple gimmicks to go along with it. For OoT, it was time travel and music. Both of these were great. I loved how the game played around with stable time loops, I loved the incorporation of music magic (my favorite kind of magic), and I loved the gut-wrenching impact to be had when comparing the cheery, pleasant past Hyrule with the dark, broken future Hyrule. </div>
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<b> </b></div>
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In Twilight Princess, the gimmicks were the twilight and the shapeshifting. They were also very. Very. VERY. Cool. I've always been a tad bit obsessed with werewolves, so wolfman Link? Best thing ever. The twilight was also a really cool concept. It gave you the same sense that the time travel in OoT did of the difference between the good times and the bad, but in reverse, which lacked that harsh impact of the time travel but did serve to give a sense of progress, being able to see how your actions in the game directly helped heal Hyrule.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Skyward Sword's gimmicks, as best as I can tell, seemed to be the sky island/birds and the gods/dragons/whatever. I'm pretty indifferent to the latter; as far as I'm concerned, they're just another bunch of people telling you where to go next. The former was a little more interesting. I didn't mind the sky island, I guess. It was a little weird but also a little interesting seeing Link more involved in the lives of his peers. I do prefer the loner hero aesthetic, though, because I'm just that lame. The bird was okay, but I preferred Epona. One thing I'm a bit concerned about was the apparent population on the sky island. There were, what, thirty people there? I'm forced to conclude that future generations were forced to breed with kikwis in order to survive. </div>
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<b>Gameplay</b></div>
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<b> </b></div>
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Again, I'm not a gamer, so this is not my area of expertise. But I will try my best. </div>
<br />
<br />
Honestly, for the most part they were fairly similar in my limited opinion. Obviously, TP and SS, being Wii games, made use of the pointer and the motion control. SS used the Wii Motion Plus controller, which is difficult to control and drains my Wii remote's battery with ridiculous frequency. I think I liked the GameCube controller best, honestly, and that's even accounting for the fact that it was an old clunker I borrowed from a friend and the joystick stuck like hell. I'll give SS credit because, after a brief adjustment period, the controls were actually fairly intuitive. Also, the motion control was implemented in some pretty cool ways. However, that did not make up for the irritation of having to readjust the controller every time I wanted to shoot the slingshot, nor did it make me feel any better about the small fortune wasted on AA batteries.<br />
<br />
<b>Best Moments</b><br />
<br />
Just wanted to take a sec to mention my favorite moments from each game.<br />
<b> </b><br />
Ocarina of Time- The bit where you go into the Gerudo warcamp and have to sneak around knocking out guards by shooting arrows at them? Best part of the game. Plus, it had <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hy0aEj85ifY">the best music ever</a>. (I'm glad they included that song on the 25th Anniversary soundtrack, but it was better with the guitar than the full orchestra.)<br />
<br />
Twilight Princess- The ice dungeon. It was awesome; slightly creepy, great atmosphere, and that soup looked delicious. Alternately, any time when you got to run around as a wolf.<br />
<br />
Skyward Sword- The bit where you parachute down to the surface only to be beaten up and robbed by the creatures which I insist upon calling orcs, and you have to steal back your items and weapons one by one. (You may have noticed that I like sneaking around.)<br />
<br />
I'd talk worst moments too, but you know I'd just rant about the overly long intros that Nintendo feels compelled to stick into every Zelda game.<br />
<br />
<b>Final Thoughts</b><br />
<br />
So, all the games had their strengths and weaknesses, but I really feel that Skyward Sword was the weakest of the three. The controls were frustrating, the plot was disappointing, the main characters grated, and the visual style was lacking. It's worth a replay for its good bits, but I'd much rather be playing one of the other two games. Unfortunately, they were both loans from friends and I had to return them. Just my luck that the one I ended up buying turned out to be my least favorite. Ah well. Such is life.<br />
<br />
Valete!Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03566497671890574029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245299580330833838.post-89706103727056616632012-06-30T13:11:00.001-07:002012-07-03T21:45:59.277-07:00Soul Eater Episode IIA little while ago, I made <a href="http://filiacaniculae.blogspot.com/2012/06/filia-caniculae-watches-animes-soul.html">this</a> review of the first episode of the anime Soul Eater. Now I'm back to do episode two. It can be watched <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN1v55YrK9k">here.</a><br />
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While the last episode existed mainly to introduce Soul and Maka, this episode exists mainly to introduce two other characters, Black Star and Tsubaki. After the intro that I probably forgot to mention last time because I always skip past it, we meet Black Star and Tsubaki. They're crouching in the ductwork of some building, spying on the AlCapone gang. I'm not sure whether this is supposed to be the actual Al Capone or what. There are a few points when I'm a little confused about the time period this story is supposed to be set in. I'm just gonna go with 'alternate reality that doesn't have to make sense'. Anyway, the bad guys eat some human <strike>sperm</strike> souls, and Black Star quickly proves himself to be the worst ninja ever. I love that kid. Poor Tsubaki, though.<br />
<br />
Tsubaki, by the way, is some sort of odd weapon. They call her a scythe, but she's more like a scythe/nunchuk hybrid.<br />
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<a href="http://paralleled.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/soul-eater-02-094_0001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://paralleled.files.wordpress.com/2008/05/soul-eater-02-094_0001.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Seriously, what is that?</i></div>
<br />
She's also got a couple of other forms, namely a giant throwing star and a smoke bomb. She appears to be one of very few weapons who have multiple forms. Don't worry, it's explained in another episode.<br />
<br />
Anyway, Black Star and Tsubaki very nearly get shot to death. They escape. Black Star thinks it was a huge success because everyone noticed him. He doesn't understand the meaning of the word 'assassination'. Tsubaki reveals that Black Star hasn't gotten her a single Afreet egg yet. He's kind of a sucky meister. Tsubaki should've left him ages ago, really, but she either doesn't have a spine or feels bad for him. Or something something unrecognized potential blah blah blah. That too.<br />
<br />
They go to look for another assignment and get called to see Death, the school's headmaster or whatever it's called in this school. Death sort of chews them out for being failures, but since he's a total derp/Albus Dumbledore in a funny outfit, he comes off as much nicer than that. Anyway, Death tells them that Capone is going after a witch, and they go to stop him and also to steal the witch's soul themselves. That plus the 99 souls of Al Capone and his men would give them all the souls needed to make a Death Scythe.<br />
<br />
Tsubaki tries to talk Black Star out of it, because she isn't a moron, but Black Star doesn't listen to her, because he is one.<br />
<br />
Anyway, Al Capone and his men go to the witch's castle. Outside, they meet a man with a sword who threatens them. He has a name, but I will call him Legolas. The scene cuts away before we can see what happens.<br />
<br />
Black Star climbs up cliffs all determined, muttering to himself, and sees Tsubaki bathing. Yeah, it didn't make a ton of sense to me either? I think the animators just wanted to draw Tsubaki mostly naked because she's crazy hot.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.souleaterwallpaper.com/images/wallpapers/Tsubaki-HD-552630.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://www.souleaterwallpaper.com/images/wallpapers/Tsubaki-HD-552630.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>See?</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
She stabs Black Star in the forehead and somehow doesn't kill him, and then they both laugh about it. They have a weird relationship.</div>
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<i> </i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
The two of them finally meet Legolas, who is surrounded by the souls of the dead gangsters he killed offscreen. I doubt anybody is surprised by this. Well, other than Black Star. Black Star is angered at losing his kills, and so he decides to fight Legolas because he is not only a moron but an egotistical moron. They have a cool fight scene. Black Star gets his ass handed to him and Legolas chews him out for being stupid and incompetent and treating Tsubaki like crap even though she's the only reason he isn't dead by now. </div>
<br />
The speech may be true, but it pisses off Black Star enough to let him beat Legolas. He's about to kill him, but some annoying kid flies in on a broom and tells him to stop. It turns out that the witch is just a little kid, which is why she needs a bodyguard. I think she's supposed to be cute, but she just grates on my nerves. She raises a lot of questions, though. I would have thought that witches were humans who chose to practice dark magic, but the existence of a child witch suggests that they're a species, or at least a race. The DMWA hunt down witches and kill them. They're basically committing genocide on a proud and ancient race of animal-themed women with superpowers. Our heroes, everybody.<br />
<br />
Anyway, even though they've got a hundred Afreet souls and a helpless witch right there, Black Star just walks away, because he may be an idiot, but he's not an asshole. They give the Afreet souls to Death. I wonder how long the souls will just sit there. You'd think they'd, I dunno, vanish into the ether or something. Is there an expiration date on them? Do they need to be kept refridgerated?<br />
<br />
Anyway, the episode ends with Black Star sneaking in to spy on Tsubaki bathing again. This time, there are lots of other half-naked girls there too. What a guy.<br />
<br />
The first few episodes of this show are pretty blatantly just setting up for the rest of the series. This episode was an improvement on the last one in that there were less tedious infodumps, but it still wasn't great, especially not when compared with the awesome that the series becomes later. There were some exciting bits, and Black Star is pretty funny. Overall, it was worth watching, but not great.<br />
<br />
Final grade: 5/10<br />
<br />
Fortunately, there's only a couple more of these setting-up episodes, and the next one is pretty damn hilarious. Next time, on Filia Caniculae Watches the Animes: Meet Death the Kid!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133870368420.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="281" src="http://pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133870368420.png" width="320" /></a></div>
Valete!<br />
<br />
<b><a href="http://filiacaniculae.blogspot.com/2012/07/lets-watch-soul-eater-episode-iii.html">Next part.</a> </b>Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03566497671890574029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245299580330833838.post-17629301631437242642012-06-28T12:11:00.001-07:002012-06-28T12:11:52.582-07:00Adaptation...Success? The Adventures of Tintin Part IIWoo, went away for a week and didn't have internet. Anyway, here is the long-awaited (by nobody) follow-up to the <a href="http://filiacaniculae.blogspot.com/2012/06/adaptationsuccess-adventures-of-tintin.html">first part</a> of my discussion of why I think the film The Adventures of Tintin works as an adaptation of the comics.<br />
<br />
In brief, I would describe the appeal of the Tintin comics as being fun adventure stories, which, despite their violence, manage to convey a sense of idealism and innocence. They're not too serious, but they're exciting and action-packed.<br />
<br />
The movie was that. Combining the plots from a few of the comics, mostly <i>The Secret of the Unicorn</i> and <i>The Crab with the Golden Claws</i>, it was a brilliant representation of the essence of the comics. The characters were played perfectly; Tintin, the young, fresh-faced and innocent do-good hero; Captain Haddock, the sad drunken mess who's occasionally able to pull himself together and be useful, and of course we all love him anyway because drunk people are funny; Thomson and Thompson, the determined idiots; seeing the movies was seeing all of these characters from my childhood get up and <i>live</i>. It was awesome. There were fangasms to be had by all.<br />
<br />
I was worried about the CGI at first. I mean, it looked pretty weird when I first saw pictures of it. However, it ended up working pretty well. In fact, I think it's about as close as you could come to reconciling the cartoony and the realistic without some serious nightmare fuel occurring. It managed to somehow both look natural when paired with the realistic backdrop and also capture the distinctive art style of the comics.<br />
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The story was fast-paced and fun. It combined the plot of <i>The Crab with the Golden Claws</i>, where Tintin meets Captain Haddock and busts a ring of opium smugglers, with the plot of <i>The Secret of the Unicorn</i>, where Tintin and Captain Haddock find model ships and end up finding a map to the Captain's ancestor's treasure trove. I might nitpick **spoilers for book and comic** that the movie rather ruined the twist ending of the sequel to SoTU- in the comics, a whole book is devoted to finding the three ships and getting the map, and then there's another where they get a ship and sail out to the coordinates on the parchment. At the end, they go home and then realize that the treasure was hidden in Marlinspike Hall the entire time. In the movie, they skip the sea voyage. It's unfortunate, but at the same time I understand that the movie had to have a happy ending and they didn't really have time to add in a whole nother book's worth of stuff.<br />
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I have a few minor nitpicks of this sort that aren't really nitpicks because I can see why they happened. For example, I feel like something was lost without Snowy's snarking, but I'm eternally grateful that he didn't talk in the movie, because what works in a comic might not work in a film and Snowy talking would have been pretty stupid. <br />
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One thing I thought was a bit dumb, though, was some of Captain Haddock's characterization. I mean, he was still his fabulous drunken asshole of a self, but what I'm talking about was his whole 'last of the Haddocks' thing. It just seemed a tad forced. Dramatic dialog is hard to pull off without sounding dumb, I guess.<br />
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Great movie, though. You can tell that the people working on it knew their Tintin. There were so many references to the comics snuck in there, I'm not even sure that I got them all. Some were actually fairly subtle.<br />
<br />
Best part of the movie by far? The absolutely glorious chase scene at the climax of the movie. It was just one long pan, no cuts, incorporating car chasing, a falcon, lots of mayhem and a rather obscure shoutout to one of the comics that I just barely managed to catch. (Seriously, that movie is just one big easter egg hunt for fans.)<br />
<br />
So, enough with the fangirling. Basically, perfect tone, perfect look, perfect adaptation. FC out.Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03566497671890574029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245299580330833838.post-79227463478996250492012-06-21T12:13:00.000-07:002012-06-28T12:12:40.836-07:00Adaptation...Success? The Adventures of Tintin Part 1So, I've done a lot of complaining about bad movie adaptations in the past, and I decided that I should take a bit of time to talk about what constitutes a good adaptation. I've decided to break this into two parts because it started getting kind of long. So, in this part I'll talk about the comics. <br />
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<i>Our hero, out for a stroll.</i></div>
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I've been a fan of The Adventures of Tintin comics since I was a child. I owned, and still own, every comic released in the US. I was a bit wary when I heard that they were making a movie of it, but I watched it anyway, and, well, you already know that I liked it.<br />
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The comics were created by a Belgian man by the name of Herge, and were originally printed in French. They were later translated into other languages and sold internationally. As I said earlier, I've read every one, save the infamous <i>Tintin in the Congo</i>, which was so racist that the creator was embarrassed to have made it. I'd feel like a bad person for wanting to read it, but since I already want to read <i>Mein Kampf</i> for laughs, it seems a bit silly to feel guilty over the comic.<br />
<br />
Anyway, the main character is a reporter by the name of Tintin. Whether that's his first or last name, the world will never know. He has a dog named Snowy, who may or may not be able to talk, I've never been sure, and together the two of them go around investigating international crimes, fighting tasteless ethnic steryotypes, and overall doing everything but reporting. I'd think that the writer forgot what Tintin's job is supposed to be, except that he introduces himself to people as "Tintin, reporter." Whatever, I guess it's a good cover for him.<br />
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There are also many recurring characters in the comics. First there are the bumbling detectives Thompson and Thomson, who are apparently supposed to be twins even though their last names are spelled differently. They spend almost as much time trying to arrest Tintin as they do being friends with him, and they occasionally do both at the same time. Then there's the foulmouthed, alcoholic ex-sailor Captain Haddock, Tintin's best friend throughout most of the series. There are a slew of others, such as the quirky, hard-of-hearing scientist Professor Calculus, the famous opera singer Bianca Castafiore who is the butt of many a running joke, and the irritating Prince Abdullah, son of the Emir of a fictional Middle Eastern country, who is a spoiled brat and constantly plays hilariously cruel and dangerous practical jokes on people, especially on Captain Haddock.<br />
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Tintin and friends have a long series of crazy adventures. Most of them involve traveling to foreign countries, finding international crime syndicates, and beating the crap out of them using the power of Tintin's awesome. However, some of the later comics have Tintin and his friends going to the moon and, in a surprisingly unrelated storyline, getting kidnapped by aliens. Oddly, the characters never seem to age. I choose to believe that there was an unreleased story in which they stumbled across the fountain of youth.<br />
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The comics do have some unfortunate racism, a holdover from the colonialist beliefs of 1930's Europe, but it's not usually quite so bad as to spoil the comic, and while Tintin does play the mighty whitey a lot, there are a good amount of non-white characters who are given surprisingly balanced treatment, and many of them become recurring characters. Given the time in which they were made, they're actually surprisingly fair, not that that's saying a whole lot. In fact, going back, I've often been surprised at little things like the blink-and-you-miss-it but extremely scathing look at the mistreatment of Native Americans in <i>Tintin in America</i>. ('Course, they're still called Injins and they still go around saying things like 'How' and threatening to scalp people, but baby steps, Tintin comics.)<br />
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Despite the series' flaws, I absolutely love the comics. I would definitely recommend them to anyone. They're a wonderful example of campy but exciting early 20th century adventure stories. They're fun and silly but still gripping, and the crazy adventures and loveable characters make the series well worth a read.<br />
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Come back next time when I explain how the movie was... *shudder* ...a <i>good</i> representation of the comics. (Sorry, it feels strange to <i>not</i> be complaining about a movie.)<br />
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Valete!<br />
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<a href="http://filiacaniculae.blogspot.com/2012/06/adaptationsuccess-adventures-of-tintin_28.html">Click to read part II.</a>Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03566497671890574029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245299580330833838.post-83703676257542654692012-06-19T17:34:00.001-07:002012-06-19T17:34:26.543-07:00A Universal Language? SolresolNot too long ago, I was surfing das interwebs and came across the coolest concept ever- <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solresol">Solresol</a>, a language created by some 19th century French guy named Sudre. That's not the cool part, though- Solresol can be spoken, sung, played on an instrument, written with letters, colors or stenographic symbols, or signed using a sign language. This was one attempt to make a universal language, and, in fact, to make it truly universal- it's intended to be easy to learn and understand even to the blind and deaf.<br />
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There have been a few attempts to create a universal language, of course. Esperanto probably did the best of them all. Poor Solresol suffered rather a lot, but the internet has begun to bring it back a little, and there are a good deal of people who are quite certain that it's only a matter of time until it catches on.<br />
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I am not one of those people.<br />
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While Solresol is, in fact, the coolest damned thing in the world, it is probably the least practical attempt ever to create a universal language. Its main problem stems from one flaw in its design. Solresol has seven phonemes, or units of sound (or color/symbol, as the case may be). Do, re, mi, fa, sol, and si/ti, the seven notes of a major scale. (You may recognize them from that irritating but useful song from <i>The Sound of Music</i>.) So, Solresol has seven phonemes. The problem? Most languages need around twenty-something, at least.<br />
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Now, Solresol is hardly meant to be a complete language. It's supposed to be a simple pidgin, easy and accessible enough to allow people from around the world to communicate simply. However, even in this goal, it is painfully limited by its dearth of phonemes. It has only between 1000 and 2000 words- while this ought to be enough to form a simple language, it most definitely does not conserve its words well. It has enough words to completely and accurately translate the Lord's Prayer, but it uses the same word for both tea and coffee. What I'm saying, basically, is that a vocabulary overhaul seems to be in order here. (This is enough of a chore already- the language classifies words into groups based on their starting sound/letter/etc., with words starting with sol for the fine arts and words starting with dodo for religion, and just fitting things into their appropriate categories takes some consideration.)<br />
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The lack of available words and the difficulties in creating new words leads to, in my opinion, Solresol's most glaring flaw- It isn't adaptable. In the modern world, technology is an integral part of everyone's lives, and Solresol is simply not able to keep up with the pace of technology. Hell, you can't even say a person's name in it let alone the name of a website, and try using a language made in the 1800s to talk about an iPhone or nuclear warfare. Yeah, Solresol will not be catching on anytime soon.<br />
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This is not to say that I won't be learning it, of course. Like I said, it's way awesome. I've already converted the Solresol for "I Love Satan" into the chorus for one of the songs in my rock opera about Paradise Lost.<br />
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................That was an odd sentence I just typed there.<br />
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Anyway, valete, or, in Solresol, misi.Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03566497671890574029noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245299580330833838.post-59978605005410357872012-06-16T21:25:00.001-07:002012-06-16T21:25:16.834-07:00Magic Languages (with a Rambling Introduction by Me)I haven't been posting on here very often lately. I'd make up some excuse about finals or the voice performance I did recently, but in reality I haven't done much because I've been too busy watching Diamanda Hagan reviews. In the interest of getting back into the swing of things, I decided to go to TvTropes and hit the random button until I find something interesting to talk about.<br />
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This, of course, ended up being a terrible idea. After about twenty minutes, I had found a list of lovely punk bands, learned the definition of 'idiosyncratic' and read an excellent history of the English language, but I hadn't really found anything that I felt like writing about. Trope-Tan is a cruel, cruel mistress. <br />
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I wasted a bit more time while playing music that's probably too loud considering that it's about midnight right now, but I figure the neighbors have kept me up often enough with their shouting that they don't really have any grounds to complain. Finally, though, I decided that three paragraphs of stupid meta intro was quite enough and I should just talk about something already, dammit!<br />
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So, Magic Languages.<br />
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I don't like them.<br />
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What's a magic language? Well, it's simple. It's when, in a work of fiction, doing a certain spell or type of magic requires saying certain words in some language, usually not a naturally spoken language.<br />
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So, why don't I like them? I mean, they seem to be reasonable storytelling devices. They allow the characters to do spells without sounding dumb by going around shouting things like "Fireball!" or "Rain of cupcakes!" or "Soul Resonance!" (Did I mention that I don't like calling attacks much either?) They're useful, and very wide-spread too. Everything from ancient myth to Harry Potter has probably used this at some point. Useful, common, convenient- what's not to like?<br />
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Really, though, there are a few things about the concept that don't make sense to me. For starters, how did it come to be that saying "Abraaxar!" makes lightning shoot out of your hands, and saying "Dayoosixmakinnah!" makes a giant rock fall on your enemy's head? Who made it that way? Was it the gods? How did people learn it, then? Did the gods teach it to them? Or are the words taken from an ancient language, and, if so, did magic just not exist until that ancient civilization invented it, or did they somehow fix it so that only those words would make the magic work, even though other words would've worked before then? And if that's the case, then how the hell did they do that? I know it's not really something that most people are dying to hear explained, but I would honestly like to know this stuff. Some writers take the time to explain this stuff, but most don't seem to.<br />
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Another thing- if all it takes to do magic is to say a few words, then, logically, anyone who takes the time to learn it should be capable of learning it, but, for some reason, it almost invariably requires some innate magical gift as well. Frankly, this just seems a bit weird to me. Is saying the words just about directing thought, then? If so, why not just speak your native language? It seems like that would be a bit more useful. Of course, this reduces the magic language down to the level of calling attacks, but I'd probably be more forgiving of that if someone explained that it was necessary to doing magic.<br />
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It's not that I have an outright problem with magic language, I guess, but I think it would be nice if it were at least given a little bit of thought instead of just "Say Azmnvfdasko;tjklaeg to make lasers shoot from your eyes!" Yeah, I know, I've just taken nitpicking to new and disturbing levels. So sue me.<br />
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Valete, omnes.Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03566497671890574029noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245299580330833838.post-27274340893546421062012-06-09T19:31:00.000-07:002012-06-09T19:31:14.417-07:00Adaptation Failure Quickie: I, RobotI've been stressed out lately and needed some sort of cathartic distraction. Let's do this.<br />
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(A brief aside: I have not, in point of fact, actually seen the movie <i>I, Robot</i>. I only needed to read the Wikipedia summary in order to write this. It is that bad.)<br />
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<i>I, Robot</i> was a collection of some of Isaac Asimov's stories on robotics, a set of largely unconnected stories ostensibly told by Dr. Susan Calvin, a robopsychologist retiring her position as head of U.S. Robotics, to a reporter who is interviewing her about her work. Robots are programmed to obey three laws: 1. A robot cannot harm a human or through inaction allow a human to come to harm. 2. A robot must obey all orders given to it by a human unless doing so would contradict the first law. 3. A robot cannot harm itself unless not doing so would contradict the first or second laws. Most of the stories were a sort of mystery format; the robots would malfunction and the human protagonists, either Dr. Calvin or whatever other roboticists the story focused on, would have to think of clever ways to use the Three Laws to find and fix the problem. They were clever and suspenseful, but at the same time there were some genuinely emotional moments; the first story, for example, is about a little girl whose parents want to force her to get rid of her (adorable) robotic nursemaid.<br />
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The movie is...not that.<br />
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The movie is about <strike>Will Smith</strike> some cop who doesn't like robots. Then he uncovers some robot conspiracy. The laws of robotics are there, and some idiot claiming to be Dr. Calvin is there, but it really has nothing to do with <i>I, Robot</i>. In fact, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I,_Robot_%28film%29">the screenplay the movie is based on originally had nothing to do with <i>I, Robot</i> at all</a>, and then apparently the studio decided to call it <i>I, Robot </i>anyway and the writers sprinkled a bit of Asimov-esque glitter glue on top in order to compensate. Why the hell would they even name it after a book that it has so little to do with in the first place? It was disappointing to some of us who would like to see a more faithful adaptation; at the very least, a lot of the stories could potentially make some damn cool short films. In fact, it could probably be stretched into a full-length movie while still being pretty faithful to Asimov. Maybe we could start by having it... Oh, I don't know... Actually star <b>characters from the goddamn book</b>? Dr. Calvin would make a great movie protagonist. Plus there's those two guys whose names I don't remember; they had pretty big roles in the book. They were cynical and jaded, and always had bad luck, but they were very clever, and they always managed to get themselves out of tight spots. I would just like to see, you know, a little bit of effort to at least attempt to tell the story that the movie is supposed to be an adaptation of. Just a thought. <br />
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I know I said this would be a quickie, but there's one more thing I have to yell about before I end this. Here's a quote from the movie's Wikipedia article:<br />
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"Spooner and Calvin speak further to Sonny, learning it has the ability
to override the Three Laws; Sonny also describes a vision of itself
standing before thousands of robots apparently as their savior. Sonny is
ordered destroyed by injecting nanites into his memory, but Calvin is unable to go through with it."<br />
<br />
So, let me get this straight. Dr. Calvin learns that there is a robot who can not just bend but <b>completely override</b> the Three Laws. She has a chance to stop it. She <b>completely fails to do so because fuck fuck fuck</b>....<br />
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Ahem. Sorry. I lost my temper there for a moment.<br />
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In the book, Susan Calvin is a self-admitted misanthrope who states frequently and bluntly that she greatly prefers robots to humans.<br />
However, in the book, when there are robots, completely sentient robots, whose First Law is just slightly tampered with, making them unstable- she advocates for their complete destruction, arguing with her colleagues who think that she is overreacting. She knows that they have to be destroyed, because they are a danger to humanity. After all, the trait she loves most about robots is that they can truly do no harm. What was her quote? "A robot is indistinguishable from a very good man." If a robot went rouge, Dr. Susan Calvin would not hesitate to find it and have it destroyed so that it could not harm people or corrupt other robots.<br />
The woman in the movie is not Dr. Susan Calvin.<br />
The woman in the movie is a generic female protagonist. <br />
I hate you, Hollywood.Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03566497671890574029noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245299580330833838.post-87143959357768748972012-06-05T17:41:00.000-07:002012-06-30T14:16:48.074-07:00Filia Caniculae Watches the Animes! Soul Eater, Episode 1Some of you may know that I tried, once upon a time, to review Anne McCaffrey's horrendous novel, <i>Dragonsdawn</i>. Unfortunately, I just couldn't bring myself to read any more. It was boring me to death. I really liked the idea of doing a longer series of reviews, though. I gave it some thought, and came up with a solution. I needed to look at something that I enjoyed, but that still had things for me to criticize. I couldn't think of anything quite right, though, until a few days ago when I started watching <i>Soul Eater</i>. There'll be spoilers ahead. If you want to watch the episode first (and you should!), you can check it out right <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n0nxQXTdu9c">here.</a><br />
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<b>The Episode</b><br />
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The episode opens with some cryptic voiceover talking about souls or some crap. I kind of just sat through it, waiting for something good to happen. Next, a deep male voice talks about some university for fighting evil. One of the things I love about subtitles is that when it gets boring, I can just stop reading and listen to the Japanese. Anyway, the visuals are kind of cool. The school is this really elaborate thing covered with skulls and points. I wish my school looked that badass. There are cryptic shadowy figures of the characters we haven't met yet, and then Death shows up being all strange. Then the theme song started. I always skip that part.<br />
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So, the episode starts with some scythe-handed monster ripping open a woman. It mutters some generic evil crap and chases after another woman who was dumb enough to scream and give herself away. Then we meet two of the main characters, Soul Eater and Maka, who waste a bunch of time babbling a bunch of exposition to each other. They both know all this, so why are they taking so much time reciting it to each other? If the monster was smart, it would have run away by now. Anyway, Soul Eater turns into a badass scythe and Maka uses him to fight off the monster. The fight is a little lame; they're usually better in this show. They kill baddie and a giant glowing red sperm-thing floats out of his chest. Soul eats it. I'm not going to comment.<br />
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They exposit to each other further- apparently Soul needs to eat a witch soul and then he turns into a death scythe. It isn't really explained what that means. Maka's father is one, but he doesn't seem all that different from the other weapons, powers-wise. Whatever. Anyway, Maka calls Death by writing a Japanese pun on the window. She and Soul see him with his scythe, Maka's father, and we learn that Maka has daddy issues. More pointless exposition, blah blah blah. Death warns them that a weapon has to eat 99 evil red <strike>sperm</strike> souls and then a witch's soul in that order. He basically tells them that if they fuck up they have to start all over again. (Spoiler: They fuck up.)<br />
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There are pumpkins everywhere, and then suddenly there's cutesy singing as someone who appears to be made entirely out of legs and boobs takes a bubble bath. Oh, hello, there, Ms. Fanservice. I didn't see you come in. Turns out, she's the witch our heroes have been looking for; Soul bursts into her window, gets a face of boob, and then gets a nosebleed. Now, I'm not saying Soul is gay, but he eats magical sperm to get powerups and gets a nosebleed when he sees naked women. Pair that with his bromance with Black Star... Well, that's getting ahead of myself.<br />
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Yeah, so, there's some shenanigans involving the witch, and a few decent fight scenes, but it starts to get a little repetitive. Finally, though, they beat the witch, Soul eats the purple <strike>sperm</strike> soul, and he fails to turn into a super-scythe. Turns out, the witch was actually a cat. What a tweest! She's totally fine, by the way, because cats have a bunch of lives. She apparently moves in with Soul and Maka later, even though she's already got a hella sweet house made from a giant pumpkin. Anyway, Soul and Maka have to start all over again and collect 99 souls from the evil monsters (called Afreet). That's pretty much the end of the episode.<br />
<br />
<b>The Good Bits</b><br />
<br />
This series gets a lot of credit for its really cool, unique kind of look. There's a nice combination of visuals, with things reminiscent of works like Naruto and Majora's Mask, among others. Maka and Soul also have an interesting dynamic, and, well, Soul turns into a scythe and eats souls. He's kind of a badass.<br />
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<b>The Bad Bits</b><br />
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As I already mentioned, there's a hell of a lot of characters telling each other things that they already know. It's a lazy way to impart information to the viewers. Really, this whole episode (much like the next two) has a feel like it's just warming up to the actual story. This is, in fact, the case, but I feel like it's not a strong start to a series. It was a little slow, and not much happened.<br />
<b> </b><br />
<b>Final Grade: 4/10</b><br />
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<b><a href="http://filiacaniculae.blogspot.com/2012/06/soul-eater-episode-ii.html">Click here to read part 2!</a> </b><b></b>Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03566497671890574029noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245299580330833838.post-88416731286382000232012-05-27T09:39:00.002-07:002012-05-27T09:39:45.082-07:00Conlangs Are Fun!People say that you should write for yourself, about things that interest you. I have taken these words to heart- one of my favorite parts about writing sci-fi and fantasy is in making new worlds, new cultures, and, of course, new languages.<br />
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Many people tend to think that making up a language is incredibly difficult, and, admittedly, it's not exactly easy, but it's sort of a fun challenge, at least to someone like me who is fascinated by languages. So, today I'll be talking about conlangs- what they are, how to make them, and some of my own attempts at making some.<br />
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<i>God bless you, Fluttershy.</i></div>
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<i> </i>The term 'conlang' is short for 'constructed language'. Basically, it's a language that someone made up, usually for use in a work of fiction. Some examples are Klingon, Elvish (Quenya and Sindarin), and Esperanto. </div>
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So, why are conlangs useful? Simple. When writing in a fictional setting, particularly fantasy or some alien culture, you need to come up with names for a lot of stuff- characters, places, tools, foodstuffs, whatever. You could just give them all real-world names, or just make up random names, or something, but it really helps to have a conlang, to have <a href="http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_the_difference_between_morpheme_and_phoneme">phonemes and morphemes</a>, vocabulary and pronunciation rules to fall back on. (I know, this is starting to sound like work. Just hold on- I'll explain everything.)</div>
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So, when writing a conlang, where do you start? Well, first you need to know what sounds you want your language to have. Basically, you have to choose some consonants and some vowels. Want your language to have a 'K' sound? An 'R' sound? An 'A' sound? Remember, too, conlangs can use sounds that aren't in the English language (or whatever other language you happen to speak). In one of my conlangs, Kaerian, I decided to include an <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alveolar_clicks">alveolar click</a>, which I represented with an apostrophe. (It really pissed off my mom, too, when I was sitting over a notebook mumbling a bunch of nonsense words with odd clicking sounds in them.) </div>
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One thing I really like to do with my languages is get rid of letters that are used in English that I think are, frankly, a bit unnecessary. I mean, come on, C, you can't do anything that K or S can't. And what the hell is even up with Q? Why does it need a U after it? Can't we just make Q sound like what QU sounds like now? If not, can't we just get rid of Q altogether and use KW instead?</div>
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So, now you've got sounds, right? Now comes the hard part. (Aw.) No, it's okay, guys, really! We can make it fun! Grammar is awesome, right? Come on, Fluttershy, back me up here.</div>
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<i>Et tu, Fluttershy?</i></div>
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Quick sidenote: grammar isn't necessary if you're making a naming language, which is basically just a language made up of a bunch of nouns and adjectives used to create names. I made one myself, with some <a href="http://encyclopedia2.thefreedictionary.com/Consonant+Shift">consonant shifts </a>for regional variation. For example, to make a name for a noble family, I used my word for gold (alda), my word for land (terla), and my word for house (vama) and mashed them together to make the name Aldelvam. Naming languages are quick and easy to make, and they're good if you need lots of different groups with distinct names- people from country A can all use sounds like K, G, and R, and people from country B can use sounds like F, L, and P- ta-da, distinct sounds for different cultures! </div>
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Now, grammar. I know, you wanted to avoid it. It's easily the most difficult part of the process. One thing that it's tempting to do is just copy the grammar of either the language you speak, or another language you know well- I know that in my first conlang, Strix, the grammar and much of the vocabulary were basically just Latin with a few minor tweaks. This is bad because it means that you aren't really making the language its own, you're just writing another language in code. </div>
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I'm not going to lecture you on different grammatical structures- if you're interested in that, I will point out <a href="http://limyaael.livejournal.com/460892.html">this</a> lovely essay, and also <a href="http://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/Conlang/Beginner/Grammar">this one</a> for a start. Instead, I'm going to tell you a bit about some conlangs I made in the past, and how I got around various problems.</div>
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I usually start with parts of speech- rules for nouns, verbs, etc. I sometimes have fun with this- in one conlang I made, Vampyrric, there are no adverbs or adjectives; instead, nouns can be changed to express whatever you want them to express. Instead of saying 'the silver fish', you would say something like 'fishsilver'. If you wanted to say 'the green thing', you would say 'the green'. </div>
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One of the biggest problems with nouns is <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Declension">declension</a>- in English, this is accomplished with word order, context and preposition. In Latin, the ending of the noun will tell you what the declension is. I tend to opt for a more English-based approach, mostly because declining nouns is a headache, as any Latin student will tell you. I still try to make them different, though, by doing things like changing up the word order. In English, you might say 'The boy has a ball.' The subject, 'boy', is first, and the object, 'ball', is last, with the verb, 'has', in between. In Kaerian, the sentence would be reordered to 'Ball boy has', the object first, the subject second, and the verb last. </div>
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Verbs are also tricky. In many languages, they're conjugated by ending, although in some languages they also need a subject to make sense of them. In English, I run, you run, and he, she, or it run. You need the pronoun to make sense of the word 'run'. In Latin or Spanish, the ending of the verb tells you who performed it- 'I run' can be written in Spanish as 'correo', and 'you run' is 'corres'. In Kaerian, my solution was to give the verb a tense ending ('ae' for present, 'y' for past, 'b' for future) and then stick a pronoun after the tense ending. To say 'they love', you would say 'mipa'aeket'. 'Mipa'' means 'love', 'ae' is for present tense, and 'ket' means 'they'. </div>
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Pronouns can be interesting. In English, they express only gender and number, but in Japanese, they can express not only that, but also things like social status, politeness, and how you feel about yourself and the person you're talking to. One of these days, I'm going to make a conlang that has different pronouns for different occupations, emotional states, and ages. Even playing with gender can be fun sometimes- Kaerians have three sexes, and their language has four genders- alpha, beta, delta, and neuter. Every pronoun can express any of the four genders, and there's an entire subculture in their world based upon identifying themselves with neuter pronouns and wearing clothing to disguise their sex and confuse gender perceptions. </div>
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There's more, but I don't feel like getting into it. (You're welcome.) So, now for the fun part- flavor.</div>
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Languages evolve as part of a culture, and you can expect to see the culture in the words. Language may not influence thought, but thought influences language, and you can tell a lot about a culture by what they have words for. The famous Eskimo snow example is that the Eskimos had different words for different kinds of snow, because they dealt with snow a lot and needed to distinguish between the different types. Meanwhile, in English, we only need to know that snow is the fluffy white stuff that happens when it's cold outside. In a language I made for a race of werewolves, they had a bunch of different words to describe smells, but less words to describe colors. In Kaerian, because the Kaerians are very concerned with emotions, they have a variety of different words for love- mipa', which I mentioned earlier, refers specifically to romantic love. There's a lot to play around with there, and it can be a lot of fun if you're creative with it. </div>
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Anyway, that was absurdly long. If you made it through this far, congratulations, and thanks for reading! Valete!</div>
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<i> </i></div>Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03566497671890574029noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245299580330833838.post-65832645937345183512012-05-23T17:11:00.002-07:002012-05-23T17:11:21.382-07:00Looking Back: HouseSo, I finally got around to watching the final episode of FOX's brilliant tv show <i>House</i>. It kind of got me thinking about my own personal connection with the show, what impact it might have had on my life, and my general feelings toward it. So, yeah, this is going to be introspective, personal and probably a little rambling, and I won't blame anybody for not reading.<br />
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So, <i>House</i>.<br />
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<i>You've gotta love his class.</i></div>
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I started watching <i>House</i> around the end of middle school/beginning of high school. I found it when I was right in the midst of a religious deconversion. I was an atheist now, and I didn't know quite how to deal with it, and anything that even mentioned religion was sure to have my attention. House, of course, was the steryotypical asshole atheist; smug, arrogant, and miserable, but always very enjoyable to watch. I'll never forget the way he dismissed one unlucky Mormon who came to his door- "Oh, you're selling religion? No thanks, I just bought loads of Islam last week." I initially felt drawn to the character because I felt we had a lot in common; jaded, dissatisfied, surrounded by people who just didn't get it.</div>
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I outgrew the angry atheist phase after a while, but even after I stopped watching all the YouTube rants and reading the "edgy" (read: slightly offensive) webcomics, I stuck with House. Unlike the other things I mentioned, there was more to House than his beliefs or even his dickery. He was an enigma. He was an asshole, but people loved him. He saved lives, but he was miserable. He was a genius, a miracle worker, a sharp wit, an addict, an ass. He was a complex, layered character, constantly getting himself into messes, constantly getting himself out through the grace of the people who, despite his self-destructive behavior and unpleasant demeanor, somehow cared enough about him to keep cleaning up after him. As a writer, I would give up half the toes on my right foot to be able to write a character as fascinating and engaging as him. As an audience member, I was transfixed, constantly kept guessing, wondering what the hell he was going to do next. </div>
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I didn't have any clue, when I started writing this, what I would say, or where I would end up. I guess all I can say is, <i>House</i> was a great story. And, to humans, stories mean something. You can't spend years of your life immersed in the life and struggles of a character without them impacting you somehow. I don't know how, exactly, House has affected me, but I'm sure I'll find out someday. What I do know is that I'll miss that bastard, and not just him, but Wilson, Thirteen, Foreman, Chase, and every other character ever to wander in to the madman's web. They're a part of me, now, and a part of every other person who loved the show. </div>
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It's always sad when things end. </div>
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<br />So I need a new distraction. Dammit, when the hell does season three of <i>Sherlock</i> come out?</div>
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<i>I need it now! Whyyy...</i></div>Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03566497671890574029noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6245299580330833838.post-55416828777052171562012-05-22T18:10:00.000-07:002012-05-22T18:46:58.498-07:00Adaptation Failure: The Lightning ThiefI sort of wanted to do another Adaptation Failure, since bad movie versions of books are one of my all-time favorite things to bitch about. And since this movie has a special place in my heart (or whatever organ represents hatred), I figured I'd give it a go. Hang in there, this is gonna be a long one.<br />
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Now, an Adaptation Failure, in my mind, is not just a bad adaptation of a book, or one that leaves a lot of stuff out- it's an adaptation that, through sheer force of shittiness, completely undermines or fails to represent the things that were good or appealing about the work upon which it is based. So to explain the failure of the movie, I first have to attempt to explain, in my opinion, the appeal of the books. For those of you not familiar with the book, <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Literature/PercyJacksonAndTheOlympians?from=Main.PercyJacksonAndTheOlympians">here</a> is the tvTropes page for the series. I will try to explain the more relevant details as I go.<br />
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Obviously, a lot of the appeal for the books, at least for young kids, was their accessibility, even for more reluctant readers. The protagonist was a witty, snarky kid who was constantly getting in trouble at school, had an asshole stepfather, didn't even like reading much himself due to his ADHD and dyslexia- basically, he was sort of relatable. He got in trouble, he wasn't the perfect kid, but he meant well. He was an outsider, but he found a place he fit in at Camp Half-Blood (more on that later). Plus, the story was exciting. It had gods, and monsters, and swords. Percy had superpowers, for Christ's sake. He was like Aquaman but actually cool. And yes, this is all, for the most part, represented in the movie. I include it here mostly for the sake of completeness.<br />
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<i>Eat your heart out, Fishboy.</i></div>
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Now, remember what I said earlier about Camp Half-Blood? It was a place where Percy, along with all the other rejected, out-of-place demigod kids found solace and belonging. It was Percy's Hogwarts, the one place where he really learned to feel at home and safe. The kids reading it identified with Percy's love of the place, and grew to see it as a home as well. The summer camp feel, the orange t-shirts, the campfires and barbeque, the monsters and weapons training... It all melded into a strange, but unique and somehow loveable whole. Fans of the books had long discussions about who they would want their divine parents to be, which of the twelve cabins they would live in, how they would fit in at camp- so, of course, the movie let us have a good long look at the beloved camp, right? They at least gave us a quick look at the cabins, the half-circle of twelve cabins each lovingly decorated to identify the god it represented, as in the books? It would take up too much time to look at each one individually, of course, but it would still provide nice background color, and fans would have fun picking out each of the gods' cabins- so, let's see what Camp Half-Blood looks like in the movie, <a href="http://www.fanpop.com/spots/pjo-the-lightning-thief-movie/images/17283368/title/camp-halfblood-screencap?ir=true">shall we</a>?</div>
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...What, seriously? That doesn't look like a summer camp, it looks like a medieval village! It doesn't even look Greek, let alone anything that should be associated with Percy Jackson! It's not dangerous but fun and quirky Camp Half-Blood, it's dusty and severe and military! It's certainly nothing to capture the imagination, as evidenced by how damn hard it was to find that picture. What the hell? </div>
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Okay, fine. I'll give them that one. After all, Camp Half-Blood may be important, but they can't linger there. They have to keep the plot going. Fine, then. Let's look at the story, shall we?<br />
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One nice thing about the Percy Jackson books is that the author knows his Greek mythology very well, not only educating kids on their classical gods and monsters, but gaining the appreciation of the particularly nerdy kids like yours truly who knew all the classic Greek stories and enjoyed the modern twists to them. One very clever thing that he did was in his handling of the first book's antagonist. He knew very well that modern Western culture tends to treat death gods like Hades as Satan analogs, and set things up to make us all believe that Hades was the titular lightning thief who had stolen Zeus's master bolt, only later pulling the rug to reveal first that Hades not only had not stolen it but was also the victim of a theft, and then that Ares was really responsible and had been manipulating Percy the entire time, and <i>then</i> that Ares himself had been manipulated by Kronos, and <i>finally</i> that Kronos had been working through a traitor, who turned out to be Annabeth's friend Luke. (What a tweest(s)). On top of that, Percy gets to have a climactic battle with the <b>motherfucking god of war</b>, significantly raising his badass levels just by surviving let alone winning.<br />
In the movie, the bad guy? Yeah, it's totally Hades. Fuck staying true to the myths, fuck clever twists, fuck setting up for the rest of the series. We've got our bad guy. That final battle with the freakin' war god? Nah, we're just gonna let him fight Luke instead. That's almost as cool, right?<br />
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<i>Aw hell no.</i></div>
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Two more things that bothered me:</div>
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The gods. The books had a sort of theme of parental abandonment. The gods were not the most attentive parents, often not even paying enough attention to their kids to bother claiming them as their own. It caused a lot of hurt feelings, and it played a massive part in Luke's decision to side with Kronos- he was tired of being ignored by his own father. In the movies, it's all on Zeus, who's just being kind of a humungous dick and not letting any of the gods talk to their kids because... Because fuck you, that's why. (Seriously, weren't they planning on adapting the other books too? Did they read the other ones? Because they didn't set up half of the necessary plot elements to... Oh, I see. They were too busy doing cocaine to give a crap. Understood.)</div>
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The secondary characters. Here, I'm mainly referring to Annabeth and Grover, since they're the Hermione and Ron to Percy's Harry and we're with them almost as long as we're with Percy. Now, in the books, Annabeth is the witty, prickly but loveable daughter of Athena. She's smart, but she's got issues with her parents. She and Percy have some chemistry, but she's totally got a crush on her old friend Luke. She's clever, charming, keeps her head in a fight... Oh, what's that, movie? She's just gonna be a generic love interest? Oh. That's cool, I guess. </div>
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Now, on to Grover. In the books, Grover was a perpetually nervous loser of a satyr. He dreamed of finding the god Pan who had been lost for ages, but first he had to prove himself by protecting half-bloods. He'd messed up badly in the past, and Percy was his last chance. He was nerdy and a bit of a coward, but he was loyal, determined, loved him some enchiladas... Oh, he's the generic comic relief guy? Um, okay, I guess. (Also, I'm not going to raise any objection to a Greek creature being African-American, considering that satyrs are famous for having sex with anything that moves and it's not inconceivable for a black satyr to exist, but I do wish that he hadn't been turned into the Sassy Black Friend<span style="font-size: x-small;"> <span style="font-size: xx-small;">TM</span></span>.)</div>
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So, anyway, I hate this movie, and maybe now you can understand why.<br />
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<i>Give the book a try? It's awesome.</i></div>
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Thanks for reading! Valete!</div>
</div>Helenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03566497671890574029noreply@blogger.com1